Dear Ruthie,
They keep telling us to stop touching our face, but I can’t stop! I can’t! It’s stupid, anyway. Why do we have to stop touching our faces, and how the hell are we even supposed to do that? It’s impossible if you ask me. Maybe you should share some tips with your readers. Help us! You’re our only hope!
(Signed)Obie Wong
Dear Obie,
If I’m your only hope, we’re all screwed. But let’s see what I can do, OK?
The reason you’re supposed to keep your hands off your face is because your face offers three key pathways that germs can invade—your mouth, nose and eyes. No matter how many times you wash your hands (a really good thing), the moment you touch something—anything—you risk the chance of getting germs on your hands, and you don’t want to carry them to your face. This goes for all germs, including COVID-19.
In general, face-touching is a subconscious thing, and people likely don’t realize how often they do it. Some studies report that people touch their faces as often 20 times per hour. That doesn’t even count the number of times you touch someone else’s face. (I’m talking to you, moms.) So it makes sense to touch other parts of your body and leave your face alone.
Stop stroking your beard, and stroke something else. Stop rubbing your eyes and rub something else. Stop picking your nose, and pick something else. Well...alright...maybe not that last part, but you get the idea! Making mental notes of any face-touching habits you have will better prepare you to correct them.
Look at why you’re touching your face and make the necessary corrections. If your eyes are sore from contact lenses, start wearing glasses. Brush your teeth after meals to avoid fiddling with a toothpick. Sneeze and cough into the crook of your arm (something that seems to be lost on a lot of Milwaukee, if you ask me). If your moustache itches, shave it. (I’m talking to you, moms.)
When all else fails, keep your hands busy...and start smoking.
Dear Ruthie,
I’m so horny, I can’t take it anymore. I need a man, bad. I haven’t given in to temptation, people are being responsible on Grindr and the social-distancing thing is in full practice, so nobody is fucking! I haven’t had sex in 5 weeks! I don’t think I can handle it much longer. Is it ok if I hook up with my regular buddy for some naked fun? I know the guy, so I feel like I can trust him, but I don’t know. What do you think?
Let Me Know,
Edging
Dear Edging,
I’m sure your f-buddy is a lovely guy, but I have to say a big, fat, juicy, throbbing, rock-hard “no” to your plan.
The coronavirus is spread when someone sneezes or coughs and those droplets find their way into your body (via your mouth, nose or eyes). While stats about transmitting this virus through sex are vague (there hasn’t been much research on the topic yet), experts continue to stress a 6-foot gap between people. How the hell are you going boink your friend that way? Don’t even get me started on kissing!
Even though your pecker is telling you to go for it because you trust this particular bend-over buddy, he could very well have the virus and not know it yet. No bad intentions. He may just not know that he’s carrying it...and, therefore, giving it to you as you fellas swap spit and bang boots.
Settle in for the night near the warm glow of Pornhub; otherwise, keep your horse in the barn. You’ll find yourself healthy, safe, sane and sound.
Ask Ruthie a question at DearRuthie@Shepex.com. Follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie. Don’t miss her hilarious drag reality competition “Camp Wannakiki,” on YouTube now.
