They’re over! They holidays are over! Halleluiah! No more shopping, no more gift wrapping and no more digital holiday cards.
I swear to the Baby Jesus, if I would have gotten one more message offering a virtual snowball fight or Christmas greeting, I’d have lost it. Truly. Between the holiday messages involving sexy Santas, teddy bears, naughty Santa cartoons, dancing evergreens, singing elves, snowmen offering hugs (what the…?), pole-dancing Santas (boy, that Santa!) and a firestorm of other digital excuses for Christmas cards, I’m wondering if it’s finally safe to open my messenger again. We get it, folks! You’re too friggin’ cheap to send an actual Christmas card! Message received. (But truly, thanks for the holiday greetings.)
I’ve got a belly full of eggnog, holiday ham and Snickerdoodles, so I’m not going to bore you with any of that “New Year, New You” crappola. You’ve likely heard that nauseating take on the New Year before, and you certainly don’t need to hear it from me, but clearly a lot of you are concerned with my health and well-being. (Thank you!) That said, check out these emails I’ve been holding onto as they all focus on getting fit…or not. Happy 2018, everyone!
Dear Ruthie, What’s your workout routine like? Thanks, Exercise Guy Dear Guy, Putting on pantyhose is pretty much the hardest, longest workout I can muster. --- Dear Ruthie, When’s the last time you hit a gym? — Former Gym Bunny Dear Bunny, I hit a gym last week. With my car. On my way to get tacos, booze and cigarettes. --- Dear Ruthie, What are your health goals for the coming year? — Enquiring Minds Dear National Enquirer, My goal is to be able to clip my toenails and breath at the same time.
Ruthie's Social Calendar
Jan. 5: Debut of ‘Tom of Finland’ at Gene Siskel Film Center of the School of the Art Institute of Chicago (164 N. State St., Chicago): Dome Karukoski’s film about the iconic homoerotic artist, Tom of Finland, blows into the Windy City with a 14-day run. Don’t miss this exciting bio-pic of love, courage, pride and perseverance set against the sexual revolution of the 1970s. Visit genesiskelfilmcenter.pfestore.com for tickets and show times.
Jan. 5: A Big Fat Vegan Fundraiser Drag Show at Red Dot (6715 W. North Ave.): My gal-pal Honey LaBronx, the vegan drag queen, sashays into Cream City with this 9 p.m. drag show, benefitting Rescue Gang and Urban Cat Coalition. There’s a suggested $20 door charge for the 18+ event. Doors open at 8:30 p.m.
Jan. 6: Leather & Lace White Party at Plan B (924 Williamson St., Madison): The kids at Plan B are telling Jack Frost to “F” off by heating up the weekend with their annual white party! Take in the sights and sounds of the Leather & Lace bash (the first Saturday of every month) combined with white dance attire for a night of indulgence, extravagance and fun. The 21+ party starts at 8:30 p.m., and it runs to bar close.
Jan. 7: Jolly Holly Folly at Marcus Center for the Performing Arts (929 N. Water St.): Looking for a recipe for happiness? Find it when the team at the AIDS Resource Center of Wisconsin (ARCW) host this 22nd annual event combining theater, free food, cocktails and more. Enjoy tastings from the city’s hottest restaurants at 4 p.m., followed by a 6 p.m. production of Waitress. Based on the hit film and featuring music by Sara Bareilles, the delightful musical promises to sweeten your week. Visit arcw.org for more, including directions on how to reserve your $120 ticket.
Jan. 9: LGBT Chamber of Commerce Milwaukee Coffee Connection at High Def Health (326 N. Water St.): The Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce brings the coffee, you bring the conversation during this monthly networking event for likeminded business owners. Enjoy the free event from 8-9 a.m.
Jan. 9: Pole Dancing for Voluptuous Women at Pole Tific Fitness (5330 W. Burnham St.): Sexy has no size, ladies, so get your naughty on. Strengthen muscles, improve balance and drop a few pounds with these pole-dancing classes. Find your inner diva and let her loose with this 7 p.m. class. Preregister for the $20 classes (that run through Jan. 30), at poletificfitness.mypaysimple.com/s/curvy-poling-class-one-session/checkout.
Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com. Be sure to follow her Facebook (Ruthie Keester) and Twitter (@DearRuthie).
