Some decades ago, Punch magazine printed a column of smart New Year’s resolutions. One went, “I will not be kind to people simply because they are lesbian, disabled or old: If they’re disagreeable, to Hell with them.” It seemed amusing at the time, reflecting, as it did, that certain exasperation with those politically correct demands of the 1980s. Today, though, in these times of “divide and conquer” as a political strategy, the humor has lost its punch.
Today, keeping that resolution would be easy enough; in our LGBTQ community it’s sometimes hard to find anyone who’s not disagreeable. Among some, it’s a constant more-marginalized-than-thou, my-identity-is-more-valid-than-thine reality show of vying one-upmanship by oppressed impudent snobs.
Gays dis lesbians; lesbians dismiss gays and transwomen. The trans hierarchy is rife with mutual bashing and the bisexuals, usurped by those guys and gals who call themselves “bi” rather than admit they’re gay, feel disrespected. And, of course, if you’re cis, you can’t be queer. And, should you try to bridge the gap, you’ll be met with a dismissive eye roll.
But don’t get me wrong. I really have no problem with tribalism—birds of a feather sticking together, and all. I’d feel self-conscious at a lesbian Packer Party and awkward among asexuals, or, for that matter, ambi-sexuals. To be honest, my feelings were only a little hurt when I, as a cis-male, wasn’t allowed to join the Queerwaukee Rebels Facebook group (it’s almost exclusively woman). Still, when a homophobic Evangelical pastor went on a rabid, not so Christian rant about the silliness of the ever-expanding LGBTQAI-wxyz coalition, I felt enraged.
Speaking of LGBTQ, just when the rest of the world figured out what it means, some eschew those tried-and-true signifiers of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender in deference to alternative monikers like “men having sex with men” (naturally abbreviated to “MSM”), “same gender loving,” “woman loving woman,” “Lunarian” and other such contrivances, or none at all (call me old-fashioned but demanding to be recognized as “not” something sounds anything but progressive). In fact, it all suggests regression to the old days of self-loathing in the guise of insisting that labels of sexual identity don’t matter. Rather than shedding the shackles of imposed identity, it almost seems like a return to the closet. In fact, studies show only 50% of college age LGBTQs are actually out. Although understandable in these times of empowered bigotry, it’s not helping our community. It confuses our allies as well.
Visibility has always been credited for our successful advance towards equality. The old battle cry “We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!” worked. People got used to it. Nowadays some of us seem to be the ones who still aren’t used to it. Ironically, the retreat to the redoubt of exclusionary hyper-identity, or none at all, is happening while daytime soap “Days of Our Lives” runs a storyline about the gay guy who wants his husband back.
Anyway, my 2018 resolution goes, “I’ll strive to put the ‘unity’ back in ‘Community’ and to be kind to all…but, if they’re Republicans, to Hell with them!”
