With headline news focusing on the world’s major stories - COVID-19 Delta variant raging, particularly in the states of the former Confederacy; the catastrophe that is Afghanistan; and the fact that a Black contestant might win this season’s TV reality show, “Big Brother,” you may have missed some of the madcap hijinx emanating from the naves (or, perhaps more specifically, knaves) of our local churches.
It seems back in July, a parish priest, Rev James Altman from the Roman Catholic Diocese of La Crosse was fired from his office as pastor for spreading potentially deadly anti-vaccination misinformation. It wasn’t the first time the recalcitrant reverend had given his blessing to extreme unction. Back in September 2020, Father James proclaimed anyone voting for a Democrat would go to hell and, among other homophobic rants, accused a pro-LGBTQ colleague of heresy. Still, undeterred by his sacking as pastor, the insolent priest went to Dallas, TX that same week to bless the Conservative Political Action Convention (CPAC). As you’ll recall, CPAC made headlines in February for cleverly designing its speaker’s dais in the form of a Nazi runic emblem.
Meanwhile, in August, the infamous Cardinal Raymond Burke, also originally from the Diocese of La Crosse, apparent acolyte of the former guy and Steve Bannon, arch nemesis of Pope Francis, who embraced the COVID 19 vaccination microchip implant conspiracy theory, came down with, you guessed it, a serious case of COVID.
Ironically, while the breathless Burke was in hospital, Pope Francis declared his support for vaccinations. Whether or not the intubated Cardinal gurgled some pithy protest in response remains unclear. Meanwhile, he did survive thanks to modern medicine (actually, one online well-wisher pointed out the portly Burke’s survival as proof the virus isn’t real, noting that, according to “science,” overweight people are supposed to die from it). His Eminence subsequently thanked God for saving him. There’s an irony in Burke’s story, of course, especially when one considers the conservative’s otherwise adamant refusal to have progressive ideas shoved down his throat.
What’s With La Crosse?
Speaking of which, also this summer, yet another Wisconsinite from the Diocese of La Crosse (I swear, there must be something in the Holy Water there), Monsignor Jeffrey Burrill, resigned his office as General Secretary of the virulently anti-LGBTQ United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). Among those who lead the charge to deny President Joe Biden the Sacrament of Holy Communion because of his support of women’s rights, the top prelate (or bottom, as the case may be) Monsignor Burrill, as it turns out, is an avid, near daily user of the gay dating app, Grindr.
Actually, “dating” app might be a misnomer. It’s a quick-fix hook-up site for sooner-rather-than-later sexual liaisons—or, more precisely, immediately rather than sooner. Unfortunately, details of Burrill’s Grindr profile have not been revealed, leading to delicious speculation about just how enticingly he presented himself.
Be that as it may, the case raises issues of privacy and clerical celibacy. Some good Catholics assailed the outing as unfair, pointing to the pitiful plight of gay priests. Others went to great lengths to point out that there weren’t any accusations of the sexual abuse of minors involved (In light of the recent charges brought against defrocked nonagenarian Cardinal Theodore Mc Carrick, I guess that would be considered a plus). However, none of Burrill’s defenders acknowledged the hypocrisy of his weaponizing and politicizing the Eucharist to defame and undermine the President of the United States, while blithely, and apparently serially, breaking the priesthood’s sacred (and, mind you, non-negotiable) vow of celibacy.
Ultimately, that odd rush to obfuscate these matters is the real story. Whether Cardinal Burke’s anti-vaccine crusade or Monsignor Burrill’s attack on the President, certain factions within the American Catholic Church, such as the USCCB, have become allies of the Republican Party’s effort to subvert public health strategies and our democratic progress. Fortunately, in some cases at least, nature intervenes to thwart them.
Or, if you’re a believer, you’ll have to admit that God truly works in mysterious and sometimes ironic ways.
