It’s October. For the LGBTQ community, that means celebrating National Coming Out Day on Thursday, Oct. 11.
I recently read an article on the subject. It suggested LGBTQs hold hands in public. Actually, the idea does sound reasonable enough. Despite the strides made in equality over the half-century since Stonewall, many of us still harbor a discomfort not only about being publicly out, but also, and perhaps even more so, about publicly displaying those natural acts of affection (so-called PDAs) straight people are allowed without a second thought. Still, although unabashed PDAs may seem a logical way of breaking the ice of social acceptance, we’re in the Heartland, after all. Especially now, given the heightened divisive state of the nation, it would take a certain brazenness and risk to do it here. Or, perhaps it’s simply a matter of innocence.
A friend just told me about an experience he had in exactly this situation. As it happened, while he and his boyfriend (of some dozen years) ponderously pushed their shopping cart through the aisles of a local supermarket in charming Bay View, the boyfriend unconsciously put his arm around my friend’s shoulder. It was in the dairy section, as he explained. As they lingered contemplating the on-sale cheese selection and exchanged remarks about the extra-sharp cheddar that, unlike the other varieties, was not discounted, the boyfriend began to massage my friend’s shoulder. Now, to this scenario of sublime domesticity, I should add that my friend is white and in his 50s and his companion is black and just turned 35.
As they continued along, my friend noticed a little old lady in one of those low-riding electric carts approaching from the opposite direction. As they passed, she looked up at them with an expression he described as a confused yet bemused “now-I’ve-seen-everything.” My friend nodded to the little old lady as one does in such coincidental eye-contact encounters with strangers. His buddy, now too immersed in the dessert cooler’s contents to notice the little old lady or the subsequent interaction, just kept gently rubbing my friend’s shoulder, oblivious to the world and fully focused on the task at hand.
My friend couldn’t be sure if the little old lady reacted to the public display of male-on-male affection, as unconscious as it was, their interracial relationship, their very apparent age disparity, or, perhaps, the sum of all three. But, on whatever level, it must have appeared so natural that her reaction was neither confrontational nor negative. Rather, although maybe unfamiliar in its dynamics, the bond of the two shoppers, with their certain glow, must have seemed familiar, perhaps even comforting. It’s unfortunate such moments are so rare.
I know lots of LGBTQs, younger and older, who balk at such behaviors. Some, simply, remain closeted, while others, as out as they might be, are sadly too self-conscious to engage in PDAs. Even if initiated naturally, they would be embarrassed if caught in the act. I just heard an interview on NPR with Rev. Gregory Greiten, the local Catholic priest who, with a bit of fanfare, came out last year. In it, he said, “I just want to speak the truth.” His message should be taken to heart.
For more on National Coming Out Day, visit hrc.org/resources/national-coming-out-day.
