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Lincoln Memorial
Like many who hoped that kindness and sanity would prevail on election day, I felt the shock, grief and fear that followed. My politics is less about party and more about character, integrity and values. I will not vote for nor support politicians who traffic in hate, retribution and pathological self-interest, regardless of which side of the aisle they inhabit.
Shortly after awakening to the certainty of Trump’s electoral win, I became deluged with calls from clients and friends needing to share their angst. Their reactions were predictable and justified. They ranged from numbed-out disbelief to overpowering dread to seething anger, among others. Basically, all the hallmarks of emotional trauma and grief.
After the better part of a day spent in these interactions, I was finally able to sit in my own distress, which was and remains considerable. I too ping-ponged across a range of powerfully unsettling emotions and catastrophic thoughts. However, one constant among the mental mayhem was sadness. Like many of you, I’ve suffered my share of deep disappointments in life. Right now, this profound sense of disillusionment feels primary among them.
Deeply Disturbed
The questions abound. How can people put aside the psychopathology of this deeply disturbed man and convince themselves he possesses the character to be our president? Do they fail to recognize that he cares not for their self-interest or the common good but only for what benefits him? How can some seemingly decent citizens fall for the grift, narcissism and sociopathic manipulation of a convicted felon, adjudicated sex offender and fraudster who cares only for himself and nothing about them, their families and our collective future?
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There is no amount of reasoning or political analysis capable of answering these questions with anything more than banal platitudes. As a psychotherapist, a student of the mind, I’ve long practiced understanding the motivations and machinations of human thought and action. Pressed to do so, I could offer a few tidy sounding theories in relation to those who cast their votes for this small-minded, mean-spirited man. But, like many of you, when striving to do so, my brain misfires. I do not understand.
I thought our collective “we” was better than this. I believed we would turn to kindness, compassion, empathy and shared purpose rather than hate and all the human carnage it creates. I was wrong. My hopes were dashed, and I struggle to regain them.
Sadness and Angst
In the wake of the election, there are plenty of mental health types offering ways to cope and heal. Their suggestions have merit but, for me, not right now. I don’t know for how long, but I must sit with this sadness and angst, hoping that facing it full on will lead me to healing over time.
When we flee our negative emotions, we cede our power to them. As Eleanor Roosevelt said during the Great Depression, “You must do the things you think you cannot do.” Right now, for me, that thing I must do is face this darkness and fear.
The day after the election, I awoke with a quote in my head that refused to leave me and still echoes. It was a statement from Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce tribe after they were subjugated during the genocide perpetrated on Native Americans. His words: “I will fight no more forever.” That’s how it feels now, but “now” keeps moving.
I await the rebirth from within. In other words, I hope for hope to rise again. At this juncture, that’s all I can muster, but it is no small thing. Hope is never a small thing.
