Maybe you’re in a meeting at work and someone is using mental intimidation to strong-arm the assembled into submission. You have something to say but stymie yourself because it doesn’t seem worth the risk.
Possibly, it occurs in a personal or family relationship. The other person is prone to emotional outbursts that evoke trepidation in your heart and avoidance in your behavior. Or, perhaps you are with a new group of people and want to fit in, but you find them overbearing, pushy or even scary.
If you are a sensitive, peace-loving sort, each of these scenarios, and similar ones, may intimidate you. Herein, “intimidate” simply means these situations rob you of your center, your inner power.
This was true for Carla, a mid-30s professional who found herself cowed by an older female colleague who made an art form of condescension and psychological browbeating. When interacting with this woman, either one-to-one or in team meetings, Carla found herself turtling; withdrawing into silence and passivity in an effort to appease her tormentor.
This failed miserably, of course. The more she deferred to her snooty coworker, the more she became an inviting target for further abuse. As Winston Churchill noted, “An appeaser is someone who feeds a crocodile so it will eat him last.”
Often, you can literally see someone’s personal power slip away in threatening circumstances. The visible signs emerge in her or his physiology—changes in posture, facial expressions, gestures, movements and so on. In fact, this collapse of one’s emotional center resembles someone about to curl up in the classic fetal position. Regrettably, this is not lost on the intimidators and predators in one’s midst.
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Many victims of bullying and psychological intimidation project their vulnerability through their body language, unwittingly encouraging would-be attackers. I have witnessed this in rancorous business meetings, during heated family arguments and in other adversarial exchanges. Emotional predators can sense blood in the water, so to speak, and move in for the kill.
Thankfully, there is a way to push back, and it’s not with one’s mouth or fists. The same “body collapse” that robs people of their inner power can be consciously reversed by learning to physically center one’s self. In the martial arts, centering is the most oft-repeated lesson. Once mastered, it makes the individual more powerful, not only physically but, more importantly, psychologically.
Just as the crumpling up of one’s physical center can diminish inner mental fortitude, regaining it can be accomplished through specific postures, movements and expressions. We know that physiology not only reflects inner emotional states, but it also helps create and sustain them. Walk, talk and gesticulate with confidence, even if this initially feels contrived, and, often, you will begin to actually be confident. A self-generating feedback loop arises, turning what was make-believe inner strength into the real deal.
The first step is literally to center one’s body by adopting a less pronounced version of the “warrior’s stance.” Feet apart and at a 45-degree angle, knees slightly bent, back erect but not rigid, hands at the ready, attentive but relaxed expression, slightly defocused eyes… and remember to breathe fully. When feeling intimidated, many of us stutter-breathe, taking short, shallow breaths. When sitting, the warrior’s stance consists of keeping feet flat on the floor, spine erect but not rigid, hands on the lap or table, not fidgeting or folded.
Physical centering takes practice but works for many, as it did for Carla. So, whenever with her browbeating colleague, she assumed this stance, focused on her breathing and maintaining eye contact. She didn’t try to be intimidating in return. She simply modified her physiology to amplify her sense of personal power. Before long, her coworker’s bullying behavior eased off. Apparently, she sensed that Carla was no longer easy prey.
Remember, when intimidators and predators are about, most of us can’t think ourselves into feeling our inner strength. We have to physically act ourselves into it.
For more, visit philipchard.com.
