The Power of Loving Touch

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Photo by Irina Gutyryak - Getty Images

Holding hands

It may seem obvious, but caring touch is central to psychological and physical well-being. In fact, because touch is the first sense we acquire, it’s vital. For example, consistently deprive a baby of physical affection, and they will soon pay the price in body and mind. The term for this condition is “failure to thrive,” and the absence of loving touch is a primary cause. 

A growing body of research has documented the benefits of touching and being touched. Welcome skin-to-skin contact lowers blood pressure, eases pain, decreases heart rate, boosts immunity, and infuses the body with feel-good endorphins (naturally occurring painkillers and mood elevators). The emotional rewards are considerable as well. These include less anxiety, a diminished stress response, feelings of emotional safety and enhanced mood, to name a few.

In fact, if you want to experience the mind-body connection at work, just go get a massage or cuddle with your sweetheart or your pet. Your skin is your largest organ, and because it’s saturated with nerves, it “speaks” to your brain loud and clear. If your skin feels good, then your brain feels good and, in turn, you feel good. 

Touch-Deprived 

Unfortunately, America is not a touch-oriented culture. One study that observed friends having lunch in various countries found that, on average in the space of one hour, those in England didn’t touch at all, those in the USA touched twice and those in France and Latin America did so over one hundred times. Consequently, many Americans feel touch deprived.

Now, touching comes in many variations, from a muscle grinding massage that teeters on the edge of the pain/pleasure boundary to the soft comfort of lightly holding hands or spooning. Even a touch of the arm or a pat on the back can elicit positive physical and emotional responses. However, in whatever form, if it feels pleasurable to your skin, this will ripple out to the rest of you, body and mind. 

It’s remarkable that as recently as a few decades ago, nurses and other caregivers endured ridicule for suggesting that “therapeutic touch” had the power to ease physical pain in the sick or dying. We now realize that because pain is as much a psychological experience as a physical one, caring touch can indeed diminish its impact.

We are all encased in this physical and psychological experience called “individuality.” By touching or being touched, we soften the walls of this separation and feel connected and less alone. In its absence, we experience the opposite, a sense of being isolated, distant from others and socially alienated. 

Physical Comfort

Despite its many benefits, some of us make little use of this simple but powerful means of creating physical comfort and emotional well-being. Granted, a few unfortunate souls traumatized by hurtful touching fear almost any skin-to-skin contact, no matter how loving. But many of us, in the frenzy of our task and time driven lives, just don’t seek out opportunities to touch and be touched, or at least not as often as we should. And those opportunities can be many.

Even if there aren’t lots of touchers in your life, there is always massage therapy, a proven antidote for stress and physical discomfort. And then there are pets, of course. Research shows cuddling with your dog or cat will, among other things, lower your blood pressure, ease the perception of pain and bolster your immune system.

Simple hugs, holding hands and making love—all these and other forms of caring touch make us healthier and happier. So, when I visit with clients who are physically or emotionally distressed, I do a “touch assessment.” If they aren’t getting enough, remedying that is one more way to practice good self-care. What’s more, it just plain feels good, body and soul.

Among those we touch with caring and compassion, our emotional fingerprints never fade away