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Angry man
“The men of anger.”
That’s the phrase novelist Virginia Woolf used to describe them. Depictions of angry males in our society are found not just in cinema, TV, video games and other media, but also on the streets, in workplaces and behind closed doors. Of course, by no means is anger confined to the male gender, but there is a growing body of behavioral science research showing guys constitute the majority in this regard. So why do so many men become so bellicose so often? Depression.
While there are clearly exceptions, in general, when females are down in the dumps, they often become somber, melancholy and downcast. In contrast, depressed males are more likely to exhibit their sadness through agitation, hostility and even physical aggression. Granted, brief bursts of anger may be entirely situational and, therefore, unrelated to the blues. In men, however, chronic hostility simmering just below the mental surface is usually a sign of underlying melancholia.
This scenario is often overlooked, not only by concerned friends and family, but also helping professionals. One gentleman I counseled was referred to an anger management course by a prior therapist, the idea being his primary issue was hostility and impulsivity, not depression. In fact, he was despondent over a series of setbacks in his career and a chronic medical condition that hobbled his active lifestyle. The result? He alternated between periods of sullen withdrawal and irritability, and episodes of explosive anger, often in reaction to seemingly minor irritants. For persons of this ilk, anger management is like using a squirt gun on a wildfire.
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Dark Night of the Soul?
So, if you have an angry man in your life (or are one), you may be witnessing a person occupying the proverbial dark night of his soul. Certainly, depression is no excuse for being belligerent or hurtful to others, but it may help explain where all that fire and ice is coming from.
So why do men and women generally exhibit depression differently? Studies suggest a combination of nature (body chemistry) and nurture (social conditioning). On the nature side, we are just beginning to recognize that sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen in particular) have as great an influence on depression as neurotransmitters, like serotonin and dopamine, which are the targets of many antidepressant drugs. The complex interplay between sex hormones and neurochemistry, which changes over one’s lifespan, influences how each gender reacts to mood disturbances and even affects gender-based responses to antidepressants. So, what some women call “testosterone poisoning” in males also appears to play a major role in how men act when down in the dumps.
On the nurture side, in our culture, it is more acceptable for men to exhibit anger than it is for women. In fact, it is often encouraged. Males are afforded greater societal permission to rant and rage, while their female counterparts who follow suit will experience more negative blowback and rejection. This deluded thinking implies that an angry male is “a real man,” while an angry female is a “bitch.”
Told to be Strong
Alternatively, men who demonstrate the softer side of depression—sadness, despondency and tearfulness — are more likely to be labeled “wimps.” Most men have been indoctrinated to be strong (i.e., emotionally repressed) in the face of sadness or adversity. Trouble is, suppressing one type of negative emotion (sadness) often fuels the emergence of another (anger).
This may explain, in part, why males are far less likely to seek help for depression than females. Men, and their doctors, are more inclined to label their blues as stress or burnout. Consequently, male depression is often misdiagnosed or improperly treated, and this leads to other problems, such as substance abuse, job loss, domestic violence and even suicide. Males are four times more likely than females to succeed, if one can call it that, at taking their own lives, in part because their angry and agitated depression often goes unrecognized and untreated. Meaning that leaving anger/depression to take care of itself is a risky business.
So, if you’re a chronically angry guy, you may look just plain mad on the surface, but, underneath, you’re probably just plain sad.
