One of the most common sexual fantasies involves bondage: tying up a partner or being tied up yourself. What is it about restraints that make them such a perpetual turn-on? For answers, I talked with Lee Harrington, a nationally known rope bondage expert who is visiting Milwaukee next week.
Laura Anne Stuart: In your experience as an educator, what is it that attracts people to erotic restraint?
Lee Harrington: There’s a whole bevy of reasons. For some, it’s about the idea of temporary helplessness, because for a lot of us, we constantly have to make choices, to go and do and be, and that’s a lot of work. To have that opportunity to let go for a moment and be under somebody else’s power can be very empowering in return. For others, bondage is a fetish or a turn-onthe smell of leather or the physicality of rope gets people wet or hard. For some people, it’s about the chance to struggle, moving and pulling on the restraints. For me as a photographer, a huge piece is the opportunity to create human art, to turn our partner into something beautiful. Erotic restraint can also enhance our connection with our partners. There are many different ways to connect with our partners sex, long conversations and this can be another tool. Finally, restraint is just fun! It can be silly, another way to giggle in or out of bedroom. Those are some common reasons, but there are many more.
LAS: There are lots of different forms of erotic restraint. Why have you personally made rope a central part of your practice?
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LH: Back in 1995, I was blessed with coming into the BDSM community in the Northwest. At that time, there were rope bondage artists there who were some of the first people in the U.S. to incorporate Japanese rope bondage into their public practice. Western rope bondage has its own beauty, but it’s a very different aesthetic. As a friend of mine once told me, “Western rope bondage is beautiful women that happen to be in ropes; Japanese rope bondage is beautiful rope that happens to be on a woman.” In Western rope bondage, it’s all about these big-boobed pinup girls. That has its place, but for doing stuff with a variety of bodies, I find that the style that I was introduced to in the mid-’90s showed me something that was beautiful even if it was on a chair or a teddy bear. The rope would still be stunning. I found I could apply this easily when playing with 90-pound Japanese girls or 300-pound guys who were bears. Since I like playing with a multitude of different body types, I found the style really encouraging.
LAS: What are some of the most common questions that you get from people who are interested in erotic restraint or rope bondage?
LH: The two most common are, “Why didn’t my scene go right?” and “If I try this once, do I have to become an expert?” Rope especially can be very intimidating. Handcuffs are easyclip them on and play. It’s very easy to emulate an image that you see online or in a book. Rope tends to bring out this fear that if you don’t emulate the image perfectly, you’re doing it wrong. My opinion is that this is not true. You don’t have to copy the image; just have some basic knowledge of human physiology and safety. The rest is about your own creativity. At some point, people who are now experts had to pick up a rope for the first time, too. And just because you try it once doesn’t mean that you have to dedicate yourself to it for life!
[To make sure a scene goes well], find out your reasons and your partner’s reasons for trying it out. I frequently see problems stemming from a mismatch of intent, not technique; for example, one person wanted beautiful artwork and the other person wanted something they could struggle against. Whatever erotic desire you’re following, find out the why, not just the what. Find a reason for everybody involved to be passionate and have a good time.
Lee Harrington will lead a workshop on speed bondageaka the art of tying knots quickly yet beautifullyat the Tool Shed on Tuesday, Nov. 11, at 7 p.m. That’s the first day that we’ll be open in our new location at 2427 N. Murray Ave. on Milwaukee’s East Side! The class is $15 or $8 student/low-income.
Laura Anne Stuart owns the Tool Shed, Milwaukee’s first feminist sex toy store. She has a master’s degree in public health and has worked as a sexuality educator for more than a decade. Want Laura to answer your questions in SEXpress? Send them to laura@shepex.com. Not all questions received will be answered in the column, and Laura cannot provide personal answers to questions that do not appear here. Questions sent to this address may be reproduced in this column, both in print and online, and may be edited for clarity and content.
