Frank: There's no need to say anything, pal...
Artie: Oh yes there is. Fire them all! And also, "Paging Mr. BillCowher. Mr. Cowher, please call Green Bay."
Frank: You speak, of course, about the 4-4 Packers and their loss to lowly Tampa Bay.But I'm talking baseball here, and I can sense your joy over my Yankees' returnto the throne.
Artie: Yeah, I'm thrilled that Alex Rodriguez, admitted steroid user and liarabout it, will get a 5-pound hunk of "Never Mind" for his ringfinger.
Frank: To say nothing of Andy Pettitte, repentant user of human growthhormone. We'll talk more in future columns about how "mea culpas" cansave a career, and what that might mean for guys like Roger Clemens, BarryBonds and Mark McGwire.
Artie: But for now I say this: Whoever created the World Series didn't wantit going into freakin' November!
Frank: The regular season ended Oct. 4 and the World Series ended on Nov. 4.In that period both the Yankees and the Phillies had 15 games and 16 days off.
Artie: In the spring and summer they get three or four days off per month.But in the fall, as the weather gets colder, two Northeastern teams get twoweeks off? It’s nuts.
Frank: Everyone knows why: TV wants to space things out. Commissioner BudSelig can only resume his pose from the 2002 All-Star Game fiasco—shrugging hisshoulders as if to say, “What can I do?”
Artie: They were lucky the weather wasn't worse. It'll be really ridiculouswhen we have my dream World Series of Minnesota-Colorado—the Winter ParkaSeries—now that the Twins will be outdoors in their new stadium. They're allset now that they’ve got their shortstop, J.J. Hardy, from the Brewers.
Frank: More about that later. But yeah, I guess Major League Baseball wasn’tembarrassed by those silly ear-flap caps the Phillies and Rays wore last year.
Artie: FOX knows best. You just can’t postpone an episode of “House” or"Bones" for a ballgame.
Frank: MLB could shorten the calendar by going back to a 154-game season orscheduling double-headers. But the owners gotta have 162 games, one by one, sothey can wring every penny out of Joe Fan. And players won't give up eightgames’ worth of salary.
Artie: So put day/night double-headers on the schedule, say five per team.You’d cut a week off the season.
Frank: The union would squawk. The only player willing to say "Let'splay two" is Ernie Banks, and he's 78.
Artie: It's just screwy, and the screw-ees are the shivering fans.
Frank: And the fans at home, especially kids, who go to sleep long beforepostseason games end. TV tolerates a bare minimum of day games in the first tworounds, but none in the World Series. If those games end at midnight in theEast, even though they moved the first pitch up a half-hour this year, so what?
Artie: I read that the last World Series game in sunshine was in 1984; therewas one in ’87 inside the Metrodome. Selig talks about wanting a day game buthe has no leverage.
Frank: FOX doesn’t give a damn about the kids. They don’t buy cars and beer…
Artie: And Viagra. Speaking of which, how many extra commercials do they haveto pack into the playoffs?
Frank: By contract, there’s a minimum of 2 minutes 55 seconds for everyhalf-inning changeover. That’s 30 seconds more than national games in theregular season.
Artie: So that’s about 9 minutes more every game. But these playoff gameslast at least half an hour longer than usual, ain’a?
Frank: There were 31 games played after Oct. 4 and only one came in under 3hours. Not counting the four extra-inning games, the first two rounds averagedabout 3 1/2 hours. The World Series averaged 3:25 until the last game, whichwent 3:52. Regular-season games averaged around 2:50.
Artie: I'd love to compare that to a 1967 World Series game that Bob Gibsonpitched.
Frank: Glad you mentioned it. This year's final game had a 7-3 score and took3:52. In 1967 Gibson won Game 7 for St. Louisover Boston bya score of 7-2, and the game took 2:23.
Artie: An hour and a half less, for cripes’ sake!
Frank: And an hour less than this year’s Game 1, when Cliff Lee went thedistance at a brisk pace.
Artie: Everything that’s slow about normal games gets worse in the playoffs.It seems like every pitch takes forever, every hitter steps out of the box,every base runner draws five throws.
Frank: You exaggerate, but they could do things to speed it up. Truly enforcethe existing rules on time between pitches and keeping batters in the box.Limit catchers' visits to the mound and pitchers' throws to first. And myfavorite: Have the umpires call letter-high strikes, which the rules call for.Make batters swing more!
Artie: And raise the damn mound! They lowered it in 1969 because Gibson andhis pals were so good. Reverse things and maybe today's pitchers will learn howto throw strikes.
And One More Time…
Frank: This postseason also showed the need for more extensive use of replayto review umpires' calls.
Artie: Which Selig opposes because he's worried about hurting the"pace" of games.
Frank: What pace? I'd say the pace is glacial, but I think the glaciers arereceding faster than ballgames are progressing.
Artie: What's the difference between the time it takes to look at replay andwhat it takes for a manager to storm the field?
Frank: The World Series had a good example of the one thing Selig allowsreplay for—a "boundary" call on a potential home run. It took verylittle time for the umps to see that A-Rod's drive hit a camera over the fence.
Artie: It took about five seconds for the TV audience to see that thefoul-line call in the Twins-Yankees series was wrong. Why not let the umps havea way to avoid being ridiculed forever on ESPN?
Frank: Give managers red rosin bags to throw in a challenge...
Artie: Or a flare gun. That'd liven things up.
Frank: Or have an extra official in the press box who sees replays quicklyand can alert the umps if there's a problem. I don't want to review ball-strikecalls, or maybe even bang-bang plays at first base, because there are just toomany. But for tag plays, foul-line calls, trap-or-catch, why not have theoption of replay?
A Hardy Farewell
Artie: So Hardy went to the Twins for young centerfielder Carlos Gomez. Whichmeans the Brewers are done with Mike Cameron, who made $10 million this year,and will use that money to get pitching. And in getting Gomez, who's been aleadoff hitter, they're letting Felipe Lopez go, too.
Frank: Although they apparently still see Rickie Weeks in the leadoff spot.
Artie: I'm worried about the loss of Cameron's defense, but Gomez was highlytouted with the Mets before going to Minnesotain the Johan Santana deal. He hasn't hit, though—a career .246 average and anawful .292 on-base figure.
Frank: He's been a pretty good base-stealer. Maybe with him and Weeks andCorey Hart and Alcides Escobar, the Brewers plan to run more.
Artie: They could hardly run less; just 68 steals this year. So now they'lluse Cameron/Lopez money to get pitching from that great free-agent array of 35-and 36-year olds with mediocre records. A washed-up Jarrod Washburn, anyone?
Frank: Your classic pessimism is showing.
