I missed Bisexual Visibility Day. It was Sept. 23. Actually, there was a day-of mention of it on PrideFest’s social media feed and later, sometime in the late afternoon, on the Human Rights Campaign’s. If it hadn’t been for those last minute reminders, it would have just slipped by. I didn’t even get my cards out. I mean, with the Pope’s visit, the Packers-Seahawks game, the fall equinox (with such distractingly splendid weather, too), the Hadj, Trump, Caitlyn, the season’s first episode of “Survivor” (and the last of “Big Brother”), Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and National Pot Pie Day, who can blame me? Then there’s last weekend’s super harvest moon and eclipse. And that’s the rub.
Bisexuals have always been overlooked. If anyone does notice them, it’s skeptically. I’ve always believed sexuality is a spectrum. On one end is the heterosexual and on the other homosexual. Everyone finds their place based on whatever genetic formation happens along the way. But the general attitude vis-à-vis bisexuality, especially among LGTs, remains less accepting. This pervasive doubt of bisexuality as an orientation has led to stereotypes.
There is, however, some truth to those stereotypes. For some gay men, claiming bisexuality provides an easy out. One needs only look at their profiles on online dating sites to see proof. One would almost think bisexuality is the norm. It admits to being something otherwise unacceptable but within an acceptable context. In certain macho cultures, it actually is a means of coming out without coming out. To avoid the using “G” word, there’s even the acronym, MSM. It stands for “Men Having Sex with Men.” Consequently, a real bi-man gets that knowing raised eyebrow when he says he’s bi. Bi-women are seen as simply sharing that feminine connection when things don’t work out with a guy. Again, it is also used as camouflage for women who cannot identify as being lesbians in certain cultural settings where rejecting men is unacceptable. Because lesbianism challenges traditions of masculinity and patriarchy, it is often met with violence. I’ve spoken to lesbians who play the bi card to survive. As a result, it makes it particularly difficult for a truly bisexual individual to be not only accepted, but respected as well.
I recently had a conversation with a bi-woman friend of mine. I’ve known her for years. I actually met her when she did a stand-up comedy bit on this very subject. I mentioned my intent to write about Bisexual Visibility Day and said I’d take a light-hearted approach. That set her off. She revisited all the pain and frustration everyone’s off-handed joking dismissal of her sexuality has brought her.
But, it is a process for people to understand others on any unfamiliar level. This year, the trans community is finally getting attention. Even President Obama specifically mentions transgender issues when he speaks of LGBT rights. Maybe next year the focus can be on the “B.” Meanwhile, as a bi friend quipped, “The nice thing about being bi on Bisexual Visibility Day is you get to celebrate it twice!”
