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Dear Ruthie,
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, but we haven’t had sex for the previous 4 years. We do still hit the gay bars, and I find myself more and more attracted to the other guys there. I’d like to ask my partner about having an open relationship, but I’m not sure how to broach the subject with him. I do still love him, but I need sex and all that goes with it, too. How can I break the ice?
Thanks,
The Ice Man Cometh
Dear Ice Queen,
Seems to me you’re skipping a few steps here, sugar. You and your man haven’t knocked boots in 4 years, and your first thought is to find a replacement? While you’re sort of guy after my own heart, I gotta stop you and say to look before leap, honey.
Take a moment and talk to your husband bout your feelings and your concerns over a lack of intimacy. I’d also suggest the two of you see a professional counselor...marriage counselor, sex therapist or the like. This entire situation may be solved after a few sessions versus putting your marriage in jeopardy by changing the dynamics of the relationship.
Put the breaks on where it comes to new hook-ups and focus on the man you’re living with. Don’t even begin to think about opening things up in your relationship until you’ve both talked things through first.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
October 22—Circles of Recovery 12-Step Meeting at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): Come share your experiences of hope and strength during this anonymous alcohol and substance abuse recovery group led by a specialist. See www.mkelgbt.org for more on the 5-6 p.m. meeting. If you’d rather attend a virtual group, stop by the center’s digital calendar regarding online meetings.
October 23—Virtual Harry Potter Cocktails & Chocolate Pairing Class by Indulgence Chocolatiers (211 S. Second St.): One the city’s best kept (and tastiest) secrets hosts another of its popular online classes that lets you indulge in a new way this Halloween. For $60, you’ll receive a kit for two consisting of everything you need for four cocktail and chocolate pairings. Reserve your kit by calling 414-223-0123. Pick it up a day early, then log into the class hosted by chocolatier (and Harry Potter fanatic) Julie. Get your cocktail (and chocolate) on with this Hogwarts-themed virtual event!
October 24—Tucked & Loaded Drag Show at LaCage Niteclub (801 S. Second St.): I’m not sure what happened to the Organized Grime/Nina Flowers event previously scheduled for this night, but it looks like the divas at LaCage are stepping in and taking over. Join a bevy of beauties as they shake things up with an 11 p.m. show. Doors open at 10 p.m., and the night includes a $6 cover.
October 25—Milwaukee Maker’s Market at The Ivy House (906 S. Barclay St.): Celebrate fall and start holiday shopping early with this change-of-pace marketplace. Open 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., the vibrant one-stop shop features dozens of goods from local crafters, artist and makers. From clothing and candles to leather goods and art pieces, the vendor lineup is truly impressive. For more, see www.milwaukeemarkersmarket.com.
October 26—Kickoff “Howl at Home” Virtual Scare-Free Halloween: The City of Waukesha and Waukesha County Parks and Recreation Department host this weeklong event of safe Halloween fun. Let the kids log onto the City of Waukesha Facebook page each day through October 30 for a different activity.
October 29—Hallowings 2020 at Greendale Gazebo Park (5798 Broad St.): Celebrate the spooky season in charming downtown Greendale. Pick a pumpkin and head to the carving tent or simply enjoy the carved creations of others while indulging in food, beverages and live music. The fun runs 4-8 p.m. and is open to all. The autumn bash runs through November 1.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com. Follow her on social media, too! Facebook: Dear Ruthie, Instagram RuthieKeester and Twitter @DearRuthie.
