Time to check in with everyone! How are you holding up? Doing OK? Have you counted the tiles in your bathroom yet? Memorized the lines from the entire 1985 season of “Dynasty?” Have you completed your “Tiger King” fan art? Maybe you’ve baked 231 loaves of banana bread or measured your pubes to see which was the longest?
Running around the house, pretending your toilet brush is a flying broomstick is fun! So is locking yourself in the closet, imaging you’re a hyper-sexual hobbit with agoraphobia. These things are normal. Right? Right?! I mean, they’re harmless if not normal during these crazy, crazy times.
Whatever you’re doing to keep your sanity, keep yourself entertained and keep your sweet ass at home...keep it up! I know it’s hard. Sweet baby Jesus, I know it’s hard! I haven’t gotten drunk, high or laid in ages, but I’m still here—healthy and happy. We’ll get through this! I swear we will; although the day bars reopen, I’m going to camp out on the doorstep of my favorite watering hole, so I don’t miss one single second of bar time.
If you miss some of your favorite pastimes, see if they’ve gone digital. Hamburger Mary’s, for instance, is now hosting its infamous drag-queen bingo online! Benefiting various charities and dishing out great prizes, you can join me, Sylvia Nyxx or Karen Valentine on Wednesdays at 7:30 p.m.
Similarly, This Is It bar hosts weekly streaming drag shows that have attracted hundreds of viewers. Catch me for a Sunday Funday on May 3 at 5 p.m. Visit www.twitchtv.com/thisisitbar and enjoy an all-star show, including B.J. Daniels, Shawna Love, Dita Von, Lady Gia and others. We’re going to have a helluva time, and I can’t wait to perform for you all again!
Hang in there, team! Just imagine the party we’ll have when we come out the other side of this thing. It’s going to be epic! Until then, let’s read a letter from a reader.
Dear Ruthie,
I started dating a man just two weeks before Wisconsin issued the safer-at-home guidelines. Things just started taking off between us, and then we were stuck at home, separated from one another. He is working from his home, and I’m a frontline worker, so I’m still heading out every day.
He lives alone, he has no in-person contact with anyone (outside grocery store, pharmacy and fast-food workers) and he shows no signs of the virus. I live alone as well, and other than my co-workers and customers, I have no contact with other people. I have no symptoms either.
Think it’s OK if we meet up to watch a movie at his place? Maybe grocery shop together or grab some food (even if we eat it in my car)? Maybe I could have him over for dinner? I know none of this is ideal, but maybe it would be alright if we’re careful.
Please Say Yes,
Desperate in Stallis
Dear Horny,
I know it’s tough, but you’re going to have to take a few more cold showers. Sorry, but with you working on the frontline, you’d truly be putting him at risk. Just think of how romantic, exciting, rewarding and just plain ol’ hot it will be when you and your lover boy get to continue your fine affair. Keep calling, FaceTiming, messaging, texting and whatnot....but keep your distance for now, sugar.
Ask Ruthie a question at DearRuthie@Shepex.com. Follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie. Don’t miss her hilarious drag reality competition “Camp Wannakiki,” on YouTube now.
