Dear Ruthie,
I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with another man for eight months. I have only been out, however, for two months (I was previously married to a woman for over 11 years). Things are going great in and out of the bedroom, or so I thought!
A few weeks ago, I discovered my boyfriend has a spanking fetish. He wants to spank me, promises it won’t hurt (he says it might “sting a little” but that he “respects boundaries”), and he won’t stop asking about it. It’s getting annoying. He’s slapped my ass a few times in a playful way or even during sex, but I wasn’t expecting a man with a fetish like this.
Is this normal? I’m a newbie here. Shouldn’t he have told me this earlier in our relationship? I don’t know how to take this. I was once in love with him, but now I don’t know what to think. Do you?
What’s my next move?
Hanky Spanky Guy
Dear Spanky,
Your next move? Bite your lower lip, bend over and take it like a man, ya little bitch!
Oh, my! Where did that come from? Sorry. I think your next move is to loosen up a bit. I’m not sure this is a full-blown fetish. If it was, you’d likely have realized something was up in the bedroom months ago. Instead, I suspect this is just a little something he enjoys time and again. Why not give it a go?
Communicate your concerns, discuss boundaries and see if that doesn’t ease your inhibitions. If, in the end, this is just too far out of your comfort zone, let him know that. I don’t know that this is the end of your relationship, but take things step by step for now, and see if you change your mind in time. If you love the guy, this doesn’t have to be deal breaker.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
Jan. 30—Welcome Reception for Amy Orta at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): Hip, hip, hooray! Our community center has a new executive director, and her name is Amy Orta! Come meet the future of the center while you enjoy music and light food and refreshments from 5:30-7:00 p.m.
Jan. 30—MKE Ice Bars at the Third Ward (Broadway and St. Paul): They’re baaack! Some of the Historic Third Ward’s favorite watering holes celebrate winter with nods to Jack Frosts’ handiwork. Stop by Wicked Hop, St. Paul Fish Company and Cafe Benelux for food and beverages but also ice sculptures and outdoor fun (weather permitting). The cool and crazy good times start at 5 p.m. most nights of the week until Thursday, Feb. 7—or until the ice melts!
Jan. 31—Vers Party at This Is It! (418 E. Wells St.): The oldest LGBTQ bar in Milwaukee is mixing things up with this change-of-pace party. Each Thursday, the team hosts an 8 p.m. bash with a new theme. This week? “RuGirl Night.” Celebrate the music and madness of the country’s favorite RuPaul girls with an evening of drink specials, friendly faces and more.
Feb. 1—The Shades of Us: The Real Us at Casa Romero Renewal Center (423 W. Bruce St.): The pros at the Sixteenth Street Community Health Centers hosts this movie night in their new space at 5:30 p.m. Take in a screening of the groundbreaking movie For Colored Girls with food and beverages, followed by a discussion on the movie’s themes.
Feb. 2—Great Lakes Pet Expo at Wisconsin Expo Center (State Fair Park, 84th and Greenfield): Discover what thousands of pet lovers have known for years—there’s no pet expo like the Great Lakes Pet Expo! Check out the 15th annual celebration from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Your $7 entry fee includes access to dozens of cats and dogs, kennel or rescue, pet food, pet services and much more. You’ll even experiences tutorials, live music, food, educational displays and so much more. Visit petexpomilwaukee.com for details before coming, but leave Fido at home.
Feb. 2—Gender Fest at Bos Meadery (849 E. Washington, Madison): Join the band Gender Confetti when they host this 6-10 p.m. event, celebrating all genders, particularly transitioning, non-binary and GNC folks. Enjoy a variety show, comedy, live music, DJ and a dance party after 10 p.m. The bash includes a door charge and is only open to those 21 and older.
Feb. 3—Divas Brunch with the Brunchettes at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): Belly up to buffet—the all-you-can-eat brunch buffet, that is! Kickstart your Sunday with a lip-smacking lineup that opens at 11 a.m. (and closes at 2 p.m.). The Brunchettes hit the stage for two 15-minute family-friendly drag shows at noon.
Feb. 3—Super Bowl Sunday at Woody’s (1579 S. Second St.): Watch the big game at this popular LGBTQ sports bar! In addition to friendly bartenders, numerous TV screens, great sound and an awesome crowd, you’ll enjoy Woody’s infamous Sunday beer bust during the game as well as snacks and “stadium food.” Grab a free shot whenever the Rams score.
Ask Ruthie a question and share your events at dearruthie@shepex.com. Follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie. Don’t miss her hilarious reality show on YouTube—“Camp Wannakiki!”
