Dear Ruthie,
With same-sex marriage a reality, I’m dedicated to finding Mr. Right and making him my main man by the end of 2017. I’m giving myself a year to meet a guy and walk down the aisle with him. Please share some tips on how to hook a man and reel him in all the way to the altar.
—Prince Charming Wanted
Dear Wanted,
Have you come to the wrong girl! Honey, I’ve had more husbands than an 80-year-old hooker has sores in her drawers. My first husband, Leslie, was a lovely man but would rather hang out with the guys in his Judy Garland Fan Club than me. His nails were perfect, his hair was never out of place and his wardrobe was better than mine.
My second husband, Vinnie, was a massive guy—so large that he picked his nose with a shoehorn. I never had a sunk-in living room, until Vinnie moved in. My third husband, Jimbo, got my car repossessed, got my trailer condemned and got my sister pregnant. My fourth and final husband, Schlomoe, was a fine man, but in the end, we couldn’t make it work. It was a mixed marriage. I’m human and he’s a butt pipe.
What I’m saying is that finding love isn’t as easy, and it’s made harder with a self-imposed deadline. Goals are great, but it’s more important to simply open your heart to the idea that love exists for you and is rightly yours. Accept and be grateful for the happiness and love that surrounds you. Embrace life and all that it offers, and you’ll be rich in love.
UPCOMING EVENTS:
Dec. 29: UW-Milwaukee LGBT Alumni HamBingo at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): Whether you attended UWM or not, this not-your-mama’s bingo show is the only spot to be on Thursday nights. Join me and plenty of hotties from UWM at this R-rated event loaded with prizes, shots, free bingo and more. Make your reservation today by calling the burger joint at 414-488-2555.
Dec. 31: New Year’s Eve at Fluid (819 S. Second St.): Ring in the New Year with the boys of this popular Second Street watering hole. Quickly becoming the toast of the town, Fluid always puts out a great spread, features friendly bartenders and offers up a great time! This party promises more of the same with free hats and horns, a midnight toast and more. The fun starts at 2 p.m. and runs until 5 a.m. the following day!
Dec. 31: Casino Royal at Black Sheep (216 S. Second St.): Secret agents, sexy spies and undercover detectives mingle with socialites (you) during this clandestine affair to remember. Try your hand at black jack, craps and roulette, and trade your winnings in for Black Sheep gift cards. There’s no cover at the 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. event, but email info@blacksheepmke.com to take advantage of the $70 all-you-can-drink package or the $100 private tables.
Dec. 31: NYE Party at Hybrid Lounge (707 E. Brady St.): Auld Lang Syne 2016 and Hello 2017! Hit this Brady Street hot spot at 9 p.m. for a special New Year’s Eve, featuring a DJ, dancing and $5 Champaign pours throughout the night. Slam back a free shot of whiskey at midnight and drink, dance and slay your way into the New Year with this no-cover soiree.
Dec. 31: Disco ApocaDIX at D.I.X. (739 S. First St.): This New Year’s Eve, the team at D.I.X. wants you to party until the end of the world! Join DJ Chomper and disco the night away as 2017 (and the nuclear winter) approaches. No cover, Drag appearances and more make for radioactive revelry at the 9 p.m. party that seeps well into the next day!
Dec. 31: Galano’s New Year Celebration at The Galano Recovery Club (7210 W. Greenfield Ave.): Usher in 2017 soberly with the Galano Recovery Club of Milwaukee! Join old friends and make some new ones with this LGBT group that is committed to helping you maintain your sobriety. You bring an appetizer or snack to the 9 p.m. event; the club provides the pizza and soda. Meet some old friends and make a few new ones, too. See galanoclub.org for more, including news about the after party at 2 a.m. in Bay View.
Jan. 3, 2017: Intersex Support Meeting at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): If you’re over 18 and were born intersex, consider the friendship and fellowship via this support group. Are you the parent of an intersex child? Let this group address some of your concerns. The group meets on the first Tuesday of the month from 6 to 7:30 p.m. Contact Debra at 414-292-3061 for a required pre-group interview or if you have further questions about the support group.
Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com
