Giving Thanks for LGBTQ Families

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With Thanksgiving upon us, it’s inevitable that Norman Rockwell’s 1943 painting Freedom From Want, that iconic image of an all-American family seated around a well-appointed dinner table, appears as itself or in any number of sincere or satirical updates. There are Peanuts, Mickey Mouse and Star Wars takes, interracial versions and one featuring Mitch McConnell and Wisconsin’s Paul Ryan serving a stripped-bare bird with what-his-name smugly smirking at the viewer.

Of course, there’s a gay one with a table surrounded by cute and trendy guys against a backdrop of Frank Lloyd Wright leaded glass windows (the Robie and Avery House patterns for whatever reason). Another nod to inclusion shows a middle-aged gay couple serving dinner to straight friends. However, one interpretation seems to the missing, namely the LGBTQ family.

The thing is, a depiction of that classic Thanksgiving scene with an LGBTQ family might not be particularly distinguishable from any other—aside from the same gender couple presenting the turkey, of course. The others around the table, the kids, sundry relations and friends, just wouldn’t stand out. Over half a decade after marriage equality became the law of the land, LGBTQ family life has become as mundane as everyone else’s…and that’s the way it should be.

I follow a number of friends with families on social media. Their conversations of late have been around school matters. As the academic year began, there were questions asking about recommendations for a Montessori school, others about school bus schedules. Just the other day, a couple of gay dads posted a picture of one of their boys, smiling broadly and proudly holding up his 4th Grade Honor Roll Certificate.

OUT Families

I also follow OUT Families. Formerly known as Miltown LGBT Families, it’s a group that provides online and in-person opportunities for networking and socializing. I noticed some recent posts on their page about a grant award and event announcements so I reached out to a member, JR Witt for some additional information.

Out of curiosity, I asked about its membership. I was actually pleasantly surprised at the response. “We have somewhere around 400 families. We have families in the Twin Cities, throughout Wisconsin, Michigan and Illinois. We have families everywhere but the majority of our in-person events are in the Milwaukee area. We have multiple events coming up soon. There’s a Candy Cane Lane Walk, a winter get together, our annual OUT Families Waterpark Weekend in March 2022, which is sold out, when we have 100 families coming together for three days at Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin Dells,” Witt said.

The grant is a $5000 award from Eldon E. Murray Foundation Fund, an LGBTQ dedicated resource at the Greater Milwaukee Foundation. According to Witt, the grant use is open ended. “We plan on getting a website up, starting a resource option similar to what the LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce has for listing its members. Ours will be people and places our families have used and are LGBTQ friendly. We are also going to use the funds to purchase books that are LGBT family themed for school district libraries,” Witt said.

Culture War Continues

But there’s the rub. As much as one would like to think LGBTQ family life is as rosy as a Rockwell painting, laws are being passed in various states (including Wisconsin) against trans-student rights and for parental influence on curriculum to make sure it isn’t. It’s a trend that could turn that all-American school bake sale illustration with rainbow flag peeking out in the corner into a culture war scene of a book burning (as recently proposed by a pair of Republican Virginia lawmakers) with rabid parents in MAGA hats ransacking a school library of those very LGBT family themed volumes (and others deemed unacceptable).

Witt’s reference to those LGBTQ friendly resource options also reveals the challenges of same-gender parenting in 2021. The reality is that there are plenty of LGBTQ unfriendly adoption agencies, doctors, daycares, schools and entertainment venues to cope with. 

Speaking of adoption, November is National Adoption Awareness Month. It’s a primary means of creating an Out family. The cost is tremendous. A domestic agency adoption can range from $15,000-$50,000; international, $30,000-80,000. Considering the LGBTQ families I know, it’s a worthy investment.

Meanwhile, I once encountered two gay dads and their kids, two boys, one probably nine and the other five or six years old, at a Walker’s Point Mexican restaurant as they were being led to their table. The younger boy was skipping in joyful anticipation ahead of the rest. To be honest, the scene made me tear up.  I can imagine their Thanksgiving table and the lives of those boys are free of want and full of love—just the way it should be.