Photo: william87 - Getty Images
Multiracial LGBTQ couple holding hands
Over the years I’ve written about interracial dating in Milwaukee’s LGBTQ community. The first time, 15 years ago in 2006, I interviewed subjects who dated interracially and asked them—given the circumstances of the city’s and the LGBTQ community’s history vis-à-vis racism—"why?” Based on Milwaukee’s demographics, the majority of the interviewees were in the Black and white interracial dating pool.
In fact, my armchair study was in part inspired by the existence of the Milwaukee chapter of the national organization Black & White Men Together (BWMT). Founded in 1980, the group’s mission focuses on combating racism with the LGBTQ community, as well as sexism and homophobia beyond it.
Also in 2006, “Shall Not Be Recognized …,” a photo project underwritten by Cream City Foundation and designed to promote marriage equality during the time of the Wisconsin’s marriage referendum, depicted 30 happy gay, lesbian and transgender couples. Of those, only one was interracial. It stood out to me at the time (as did the sole Black couple) but I suppose that obliviousness to inclusion came with the territory. It’s Milwaukee, after all. Now, of course, a decade and a half later when we’re much more aware of our subconscious biases, the project’s inadvertent messaging seems particularly awkward.
Anyway, the answers to my question “why” spanned the spectrum from practicality (for the closeted dating outside their race in the belief they reduce the risk of detection by doing so) to the pursuit of a fetishized taboo and to simple coincidental physical attraction or emotional connection. For all intents and purposes, aside from the taboo part, the range seemed in keeping with the mainstream motivations for dating. However, unlike in mainstream relationships, in this country and particularly in this town, race stands out and, as a result, those in interracial relationships are often stigmatized and face exceptional social challenges.
In 2015, prompted by a number of Black authors criticizing the practice by some white participants of stating racial preferences in their dating app profiles, I wrote a piece addressing the issue. In it, I mentioned the fact that the practice was not exclusive to whites and, while in some cases racism may, in fact, be at play, politicizing sexual attraction may not be a realistic means to confront it.
Greater Comfort
In the meantime, in 2011 the rescinding of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and, in 2016, the Marriage Equality under President Barack Obama resulted in a broader acceptance of the LGBTQ community and, within the community itself, a greater comfort with itself.
But, here in Milwaukee, given its continued struggle with its legacy of being the most segregated city in the country, the events of 2020, namely the extra-judicial execution of George Floyd, a Black man, by a white police officer in Minneapolis, MN, gave rise to the People’s Revolution and an increased Black self-awareness. In Milwaukee’s Black LGBTQ community, too, the impact elevated activism that saw not only a common cause with the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement but the support of that movement by entities like Milwaukee Pride, Inc.
Yet, the rise of both BLM and of white supremacists appeared to add yet another impediment for LGBTQs to negotiate the realm of interracial dating. Or maybe not ...
A relevant case in point is a question posed by a friend of mine, who is Black, on his social media page: “Do you believe that if you date outside your race, it’s hard to push the agenda of being ‘Black AF’? And what exactly is the term anyway!?!” Nearly 60 responses, gifs and memes later, the general consensus seemed to trend towards “No,” that interracial dating did not infringe on Blackness (AF or otherwise). Of course, the term “Black AF” was altogether another matter of discussion. However, for the most part, respondents’ answers gave the impression that most people would let attraction, emotion and biology take their course and hope that collateral understanding would be part of the experience.
The bigger take-away is that interracial dating is now, despite certain reservations in some circles, almost taken for granted and, based on this rather unscientific but honestly answered survey, seems to be managing regardless, despite the politics that intend to divide us.
