kieferpix Getty Images/iStockphoto
When addressing psychological issues, most of us regard it as “inner work.” One of the more recognized treatments in this regard is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which strives to alter a person’s internal self-talk to bring about changes in mood, attitude, behavior and the like. Other examples include contemplative practices like meditation and journaling. These methods, and others like them, use aspects of our inner mental experience to transform our . . . well, inner mental experience.
For example, if one has a nasty inner critic (usually a nattering, judgmental voice in one’s head), intentionally modifying this self-talk to a more tolerant, forgiving and compassionate narrative can reduce self-reproach and enhance self-esteem. However, there are also ways to alter our inner mental states by engaging with external elements and transformative actions that symbolize what’s going on in our heads. In other words, manipulating symbols on the outside can help us change mental states on the inside.
Consider Traci, a client bedeviled by a compulsive search for perfection. Whether a mate, a job, a domicile, her appearance—whatever her focus, it was informed by her compulsive need to be, do and have the best. Of course, nothing ever made the grade. She dabbled in relationships but without finding a partner who met her standards. She worked several dream jobs but quickly grew frustrated with her performance. She remade her appearance (clothing, hairstyle, cosmetics, etc.) frequently but chronically dissatisfied with the results, nothing ever stuck.
Perfection?
“I can’t let go of this perfection thing,” she lamented. “I’ve tried all kinds of talk therapy and the rest, but it won’t budge.”
Stay on top of the news of the day
Subscribe to our free, daily e-newsletter to get Milwaukee's latest local news, restaurants, music, arts and entertainment and events delivered right to your inbox every weekday, plus a bonus Week in Review email on Saturdays.
“Have you considered trying rocks?” I suggested.
“Rocks?” she asked, stupefied.
“Yes, perhaps you should start with something more attainable than a perfect romance, an idyllic home, flawless job performance or the new you. Maybe you can actually find a perfect rock,” I continued.
While understandably skeptical about the relevance and usefulness of my recommendation, Traci liked collecting things, so she agreed to give it a go. Soon she was frequenting rocky beaches and stony streambeds. Returning home with bags of stones, she closely examined each one, sorted them into categories and then whittled down her collection to those few that might qualify as perfect.
Traci brought in her best picks for my perusal. Occasionally, she produced a rock and pronounced it “perfect,” only to soon change her mind, then choose a different one, and so on. This was an external representation of the internal mental processes that kept her mired in perfectionism. It took her some time to recognize the parallels between her rock hunting and her search for perfection in most areas of her life, but it finally dawned on her.
“I’m not just looking for rocks, am I?” she said.
“Nope. But this pursuit may get you where you need to go,” I advised.
Tackle the Issues
One way we can tackle underlying mental issues is through external symbolic action, rather than using an internal cognitive approach, like CBT. For Traci, the rock hounding constituted a metaphorical process through which she explored, at a subconscious level, her futile and maniacal pursuit of perfection. Finally, the day came when she lumbered into my office with a bag of rocks and dumped them on the table.
“They’re all perfect,” she announced, a newfound peace in her voice. “Each one is what it is, and that’s enough. They don’t need anything else to be complete. And they know something I don’t. They know how to just be,” she concluded.
Traci discovered that perfection is not about appearance or performance. It is about truly being who you are and finding self-acceptance and spiritual comfort in that. Symbolic action (the externalized approach to change utilized by Traci) is not sleight of mind. It engages our psyches and souls at a deeply intuitive level, fostering change through subconscious learning.
Working with external symbols and actions that represent internal mindsets and moods is one way to transform from the outside in.
