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Gina’s life script was the good mother. So, when both her children went astray, one who became estranged from the family and the other with drug addiction, she felt defeated and lost.
Bill’s idyllic version of a life path was the hero. When he became a police officer, he took to heart the admonition to “protect and serve,” but repeated exposure to emotional trauma and the dark side of human nature sapped his idealism and will.
Alice was a wordsmith driven by the allure of becoming a best-selling author. She proved a prolific writer, but she never scaled the high bar of writing a best-seller and achieving widespread critical acclaim.
Many of us live under the spell of a compelling dream, one that shapes our major decisions and focuses our energy and commitment. For some, this life script emerges very early, while others come to it later in life. Alice, for example, began composing stories in early elementary school. As a kid, Bill always stood up for the kids besieged by bullies. Neither of them could pinpoint a reason for their predilections.
“It was always just there,” Alice explained, having received little encouragement from family, friends or teachers.
“No clue,” Bill told me. “Nobody in my family was a first responder or in the military, so I didn’t have any obvious role models.”
Why This Path?
In such instances, psychology has little to offer in answering the “Why this path?” question. With folks like Alice and Bill, the absence of any apparent imprinting due to early life experiences leaves developmental psychologists scratching their heads.
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Gina’s life script emerged as a young adult. Never envisioning herself a mother, she figured her career in early childhood education would prove sufficient for her nurturing nature.
“Maybe it was being around so many young kids, but whatever made it happen, I began imagining myself as a mom, and it really took over my life,” she explained.
Famed anthropologist Joseph Campbell once wrote, “Myths are the body of stories and legends that a people perceive as being an integral part of their culture.” While speaking collectively, Campbell’s assertion applies to individuals, couples and families, as well. The myths, or life scripts, that define who we are and what purpose we serve constitute among the most powerful of psychological forces working in the human psyche. Unsurprisingly, many individual myths reflect larger societal ones. The good mother, the heroic police officer, the brilliant writer—the myths populating the minds of these three individuals—are mythological icons present in our culture, too.
As was true for these folks, many suffer the loss of their mythic dream, a longed-for sense of self that embodies something positive and purposeful. The absence of this existential GPS can leave one adrift and simply going through the motions of life rather than actually living it. Gestalt therapists call it the “impasse,” a psychological and spiritual space where one languishes like a sailboat without wind.
“It’s like I don’t quite know who I am anymore,” Gina told me. “I mean, I know I’m a mother, but the hope and idealism I associated with that role is gone.”
“At times, I feel sort of suckered by fate,” Bill explained. “It’s like I fell for this naïve idea of what it means to be a cop. Before, it was a calling. Now, it’s a job.”
Embracing one’s myth doesn’t always end badly. Some folks find enough of it in what they do to remain deeply engaged with living. And, there are people inhabiting their mythic script to the fullest.
To compensate for her loss, Gina chose to morph her good mother dream into a best aunt one, and the transfer proved helpful. Bill gave it another try as a firefighter, which had its own stressors, but the role came close enough to “protect and serve” to get it done. Alice went back at it, re-investing in her great writer dream, regardless of the eventual outcome.
Somehow, some way, they kept the dream alive, and it returned the favor by keeping their lives worth living.
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