They Didn’t See This Coming?
(1) German Rolf Buchholz, who owns the Guinness world record for most body piercings (453), said he was upset to be denied entrance into United Arab Emirates in August to fulfill a performance of sorts at Dubai’s Fairmont Hotel. Buchholz said officials gave no explanation, although in addition to the piercings (example: at least 50 beads stuck to his lips), he has also implanted horns in his forehead. (2) Caius Veiovis, 33, is similarly concerned about his forehead horns. While preparing for trial in Hampden, Mass., for a gruesome 2011 triple murder, he has decided to freshen up somewhat by removing the spikes from his nostrils, but still needs the judge’s help to warn prospective jurors not to presume guilt from his six horns.
The Continuing Crisis
After several contestants in the 2013 world swimming championships in Barcelona, Spain, remarked that the racers in lanes 5 to 8 seemed to swim faster than those in lanes 1 to 4, two researchers investigated further and concluded, in July, that there was a rogue current on the lane-8 side of the pool. In fact, most of the losers swam in lane 1, and the lane 8 swimmers produced a glut of medals, and, wrote the researchers, a current would be “the only cause that we can propose to explain these findings.”
Leading Economic Indicators
■ Despite all that has transpired in Ukraine this year, the country’s defense industry manufacturers continue to sell military gear to Russia (including “key parts for ship engines, advanced targeting technology for tanks and upkeep for Russia’s heaviest nuclear missiles,” according to an August Washington Post dispatch). The Ukrainian government may be hostile to Russia, but workers at companies such as Motor Sich fear loss of jobs in an already deep recession. Said a Motor Sich spokesman, “We have our own [political] party, the party of Motor Sich.”
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■ Considering the height restrictions zoned into London’s super-prime real estate, the only practical way for some owners to expand is to go underground (as deep as five stories’ worth of “basement”), which requires heavy digging machines. However, by the time the excavation is finished, the machines are mired at the bottom of a huge pit with no easy way to bring the behemoths up. Consequently, on some jobs, reported the New Statesman in June, property owners have elected merely to leave the machines buried under what would be their sub-basement.
Least Competent Criminals
Bright Ideas: (1) Bradley Hardison, 24, on the lam in the Elizabeth City, N.C., area from two break-in charges, nonetheless decided to enter a newsworthy contest in August—a public “doughnut-eating” competition, in which police officers and firefighters were his competitors. Hardison managed to win, downing eight doughnuts in two minutes, thus attracting even more attention. After one officer recognized him, he fled but was easily caught. (2) Recurring Theme: Raymond Betson became the most recent perp (in July in Swanley, England) to intend to break into a store (this time, a money-lending store) by ramming the wall with a digger—but broke through the wrong wall (and then another wrong wall after that). Police were summoned by the commotion and arrested him.
Readers’ Choice
(1) The tornado that ripped through Kingsport, Tenn., on July 27 damaged Jerrod Christian's house, leaving furniture and tools strewn about his lawn. Unfortunately, according to police who filed four charges against him the next day, some of the items (an air compressor, a welder, a ratchet, an air hose, a weed trimmer) belonged to his neighbors, who had long suspected (without proof) that Christian had burglarized their homes. (2) Russian researchers launched several critters into space on July 19, including a male and four female geckos (to follow their mating capabilities), but by July 25 reported that they had lost contact with the satellite, drawing comical concern (most notably, from TV’s Stephen Colbert). Although the communication link was restored several days later, with the geckos reportedly still copulating, ultimately only the mission’s fruit flies survived the satellite’s return to Earth.
© 2014 CHUCK SHEPHERD
