The Importance of Family
On Feb. 9 a single traffic stop in Alderson, W.V., resulted in the arrest of six people from the same family, trafficking in stolen power tools (including one man who traded a leaf blower, hedge trimmer and weed trimmer for Percocet pills). However, a month later, members of an even more charming family were caught in raids in Elyria, Ohio. Officers arrested 34 people—all related to each other—in connection with a $400,000 drug operation.
Government in Action
The predawn line in March actually started forming at midnight, snaking around the building in Maitland, Fla., but it wasn’t for concert tickets. The dozens of people needed coveted visitor passes just to speak to an IRS agent—because budget cuts and personnel reductions have limited services. “I just came here to verify my identity,” said one frustrated taxpayer, who arrived at 8 a.m. and would not be served that day. The agency said its budget had been cut by $1 billion since the congressional “sequestration” in 2011.
The Continuing Crisis
Among Colorado’s legal contortions to improve mass murderer James Holmes’ chances of getting a “fair” trial, officials in January called more than 9,000 people to choose its jury of 12 (plus 12 alternates) who will somehow surmise whether the Aurora theater shooter was legally sane at the time he killed 12 and wounded 70. The 9,000 first had to complete lengthy questionnaires, with “thousands” returning for individual interrogation, and many for follow-up screening. (Among the prospects the judge encountered was one man skeptical of the death penalty—except in the case of a “zombie apocalypse.” Said Judge Carlos Samour Jr., “You meet some interesting people in this job.”)
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Unclear on the Concept
Some states that rushed to enact systems to evaluate schoolteachers by the test scores of their students left the details of such regimens for later, resulting, for example, in absurdities like the Washington, D.C., public school custodians and lunchroom workers who a few years ago were being evaluated, in part, by student test scores in English and math. In March, a New York public school art teacher, writing in The Washington Post, complained that his coveted “effective” rating one year had dropped to “developing” simply because his school’s student math score had fallen. Furthermore, since he is now “developing,” he must file plans for improving his performance (i.e., how, from art class, he can raise math scores among students he does not teach).
Quintessential Australia
(1) In March, the Simoneau family in a town near Australia's Sunshine Coast at first considered the three-foot-long slitherer to be one of the country’s ubiquitous snakes, but the home invader was moving very slowly and, it turned out, was merely from one of those hair-raising Australian species—gigantic earthworms. (2) Dogs and cats, as well as wild animals searching for food, sometimes show up with their heads caught in fences, buckets or food containers (and, to avoid starvation, need to be freed by helpful humans). In a suburb of Adelaide, in March, a deadly Eastern brown snake turned up needing similar aid, but it being Australia, its head was stuck in a beer can.
Marketing Challenges
(1) Burger King Japan commenced an April rollout—limited in duration and only in Japan—of Burger King-branded cologne (mimicking the Whopper’s savory “flame-grilled scent”). Early reviews were favorable, even though the launch date, suspiciously, was April 1. (2) A small Virginia defense contractor won a $7 million job recently to help Pentagon analysts sift through supercomputer research, and according to the industry watchdog Defense One, the firm has decided to stick with its long-ago-selected original name. Even though events have overtaken that name, the company will still be known as Isis Defense.
Least Competent Criminals
Didn’t Go As Planned: Surveillance cameras revealed a man with a gun inside the Circle K in Palm Bay, Fla., on Jan. 31. Since the clerk was in the back, with the cash register locked, the man decided to wait for him—for 17 seconds, according to the video—but then, impatient, fled empty-handed.
COPYRIGHT 2015 CHUCK SHEPHERD
