Your English Teacher Was Right
In September, Tennessee Attorney General Herbert Slatery concluded that records of an investigation need not be released to the Memphis City Council—because there was no comma. The law requires the records’ release “only in compliance with a subpoena or an order of a court.” Slatery said if there had been a comma after “subpoena,” a council subpoena would get the records, but without the comma, only court subpoenas. And in July, Andrea Cammelleri prevailed on her parking ticket challenge because there was no comma. A West Jefferson, Ohio, ordinance banned parking of any “motor vehicle camper, trailer.” A state appeals judge ruled that, with a comma after “vehicle,” Cammelleri’s truck would have been banned, but without it, only campers and trailers were.
Great Moments in Gerrymandering
In April, the City Council of Columbia, Mo., rigged a specially drawn “Community Improvement District” to pass a sales tax increase. Under the law, if the district had no “residents” to vote, the “election” would be decided by the tax-friendly business owners. However, the council somehow missed that college student Jen Henderson, 23, actually lived there and had registered to vote, meaning the business owners could not vote and that the tax increase would be decided by…Henderson. (In late August, the council “postponed” the election and at press time was in a quandary, as Henderson said she’s against higher taxes.)
The Continuing Crisis
A teenage girl in Wyandotte, Mich., using $9.95 tools from a website called fakeababy.com, pretended for months to be pregnant (with abdomen extenders and ultrasound photos of her “triplets”). She received gifts, had a baby shower, joined expectant mother groups and even frightened her 16-year-old boyfriend enough that he began looking for full-time work to feed the soon-due “babies.” However (obviously), the ruse fell apart in the 10th month (in August), drawing community outrage, but according to the sheriff, none of the “victims” who were fooled have come forward to press fraud charges.
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Cultural Diversity
While Deep South states’ courts are notorious for death sentences, the “epicenter” of capital punishment in recent years has shifted to Southern California, according to a September slate.com analysis. While Texas, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia have not issued a death sentence this year, Riverside County, Calif., has recorded seven, and since 2010, Riverside and Los Angeles counties have led the nation in death-row assignments. (Ironically, of course, California rarely actually executes anyone; its death row has 748 residents, and no one has walked the last mile since 2006.)
Bright Ideas
The Cambridge, Mass., company AOBiome believes we have dangerously stripped “good bacteria” from our skins via “excessive cleaning” and has introduced for sale “Mother Dirt” spray to add it back. Chemical engineer and co-founder Dave Whitlock told WBZ-TV in September that he personally has “not taken a shower in over 12 years,” but instead uses his odorless bacteria-restoring mist twice a day to cover himself with helpful “dirt” that activates the “good” bacteria. The company will soon begin clinical trials to demonstrate whether Mother Dirt can additionally improve certain skin conditions.
Perspective
Ten years after Hurricane Katrina left tens of thousands homeless in New Orleans and neighboring gulf states, many of the 120,000 hastily constructed box-type trailers ordered up by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA)—and later condemned for concentrations of carcinogenic formaldehyde—are still being used in the U.S., though most people living in them have no clue about the risk. The most recent users were oilfield workers in North Dakota boomtowns, but shady entrepreneurs had also bought trailers at FEMA auctions and sold them for tornado and flood victims—after removing FEMA’s “Not For Human Habitation” stickers, according to a major investigation by grist.org, released in August.
Failure to Keep a Low Profile
Nearly every courthouse forces visitors to walk through a metal detector after leaving pocket contents (wallets, keys, etc.) in bins. Isaac Phillips, 24, faced several charges from a courthouse visit in August in Cincinnati because, among the items he had to remove from his pocket, were a drug scale and a razor blade. After a short chase and a Tasering, he was arrested.
© 2015 CHUCK SHEPHERD
