Doing Time Right
In October, a Harvard University debate team (three-time recent champions of the American Parliamentary Debate Association) lost a match to a team of prisoners from the maximum-security Eastern New York Correctional Facility. Prison debaters “are held to the exact same standards” as college debate teams, according to the director of Bard College’s Prison Initiative, which coaches the inmates. Prisoners took the “pro” side of public schools having the right to turn away students whose parents had entered the U.S. illegally (though team members personally disagreed). The Bard trainers pointed out that the inmates perfected their presentation despite (or perhaps because of) the prison prohibition on Internet access.
Unclear on the Concept
The Merit Systems Protection Board is (wrote The Washington Post) “a personnel court of last resort” for federal employees unfairly punished by demotion or firing—which is just what employee Timothy Korb needed when his federal agency suspended him in 2013, allegedly for revealing at a staff meeting that the agency’s actual case backlog was much worse than it was letting on. Korb’s employer, ironically, is the Merit Systems Protection Board, and in September 2015 an administrative law judge upheld his claim of unfairness.
Shameless
In rare bipartisan action, the U.S. Senate is preparing a bill to ban taxpayer funds for those military salutes at sporting events. Teams (the legislators believe) already benefit from the fan-friendly staging of heartwarming patriotic displays. (The Pentagon had paid $5.4 million just to the National Football League over the last four years.) An NFL spokesman, finally playing catch-up, said in September, “[N]o one should be paid to honor our troops.”
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The Weirdo-American Community
“Officially” declaring oneself not subject to the laws of any jurisdiction (i.e., a “sovereign”) opens a wide range of career choices. The FBI and Las Vegas police say that in Rick Van Thiel’s case, once his porn industry career ended (because someone stole his video equipment), he “decided to go into the medical field,” becoming “Dr. Rick” with expertise performing dozens of abortions, circumcisions and castrations (plus cancer treatments and root canals). Proudly avoiding actual licensing, Van Thiel promoted “alternative” remedies, with an office in a Nevada compound of trailers that one hesitant “patient” described as something out of a horror movie. Van Thiel, arrested in October, nonetheless staunchly defended his ability (acquired, he said, by watching YouTube medical videos). (Bonus entertainment: In court, he will be acting as his own lawyer.)
Perspective
In June, Tennessee’s much-publicized program to kick drug users off of welfare rolls (and only from welfare rolls, among all people receiving any type of state subsidy) wound up its first year cutting off fewer than 40 applicants out of 28,559 people on public assistance (Temporary Assistance For Needy Families). Nonetheless, the sponsoring legislators said they were pleased with the program and planned no changes. The state paid a contractor $11,000 to conduct 468 drug tests, but did not disclose staff costs of processing applications, deciding who to test and managing cases.
Least Competent Criminals
Not Ready for Prime Time: It was at 7:30 a.m. on Oct. 8 that, according to Dallas police, Kristopher Jones, 18, and a buddy decided it would be Joy’s Donut shop they should rob. As they exited the store (one carrying the shop’s cash register), a uniformed, off-duty officer (who apparently had pulled up to the store—for doughnuts) saw the whole thing and arrested Jones (though his partner was able to flee).
Armed and Clumsy (All-New!)
More Men Who Accidentally Shot Themselves Recently: A 16-year-old boy, in the leg—for the second time in three months (same leg) (Tulsa, Okla., September). A road-rager waving a gun at a motorist, jarring his trigger finger as he subsequently crashed (Estero, Fla., September). Christen Reece, 23, shot in the head demonstrating to friends the gun’s “safety” (Navajo County, Ariz., September). A man celebrating his 21st (and, alas, final) birthday (Dallas, July). A 49-year-old man who failed the “removing the magazine does not clear the chamber” test (Mims, Fla., June). Martin Hoyer, 51, who failed the “waistband is not a holster” test (Wenatchee, Wash., September).
© 2015 CHUCK SHEPHERD