Merry, merry readers! I’m so glad you’ve taken the time to spend a bit of your holiday season with little ol’ me! Whether you’re enjoying my column with a piping-hot cup of cocoa, sitting near your holiday tree or simply taking a bit of a break from the seasons’ hustle and bustle (i.e. sitting on the john), I’m so glad we have this moment together.
Let’s look at a message from a horny little elf not sure what to do with her pent-up Christmas cheer. Then, see my seasonal social calendar for some change-of-pace ideas to get your ho-ho-ho on. And, if you have tickets to see me as Dorothy in the “Golden Girls” dinner theater spectacular at Hamburger Mary’s, be sure to say “Hi!”
Dear Ruthie,
When I was a little girl, I had a tiny crush on Santa Claus. Now I’m a middle-aged woman, and my crush has turned into a full-on fetish. I fantasize about the man in red in ways I probably shouldn’t. Is this crazy? Hell, am I crazy? It’s seems almost sacrilegious. What’s wrong with me?
(Signed) Yes, Virginia, Yes!
Dear Slut,
There’s nothing wrong with letting your festive freak flag fly. You’re a grown woman; own your fantasies, and don’t feel guilty about having naughty thoughts. While this fantasy may not be common, it sounds healthy (and maybe even a bit hot)! After all, beards are in right now, and plenty of folks are attracted to larger, hairy guys. (Go to a bear-week party event, girl! Your head will explode!) That said, there’s nothing wrong with you, nothing to worry about and nothing to feel embarrassed over. Let the big guy come down your chimney as vision of sugarplums dance in your head. It’s all good, sweetie.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
Dec. 19—Rendezvous at La Cage Niteclub (801 S. Second St.): One of the city’s largest dance bars gets naughty with floor after floor of go-go boys from the Windy Cindy. Drink specials abound with DJs and dancing. Grab your dollar bills and get ready for some adult fun during the 8 p.m. event.
Dec. 20—TGIF at This Is It! (418 E. Wells St.): Thank God it’s Friday holiday-style with this weekly happy hour hosted by the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center. Toss back a few, enjoy light appetizers and bid 2019 farewell during the 5:30-7:30 p.m. event.
Dec. 20—Friday Karaoke at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): See what has Milwaukee buzzing when you stop by this leather-levi bar for a good time. Sing a song or simply sit back and enjoy the craziness during the 8:30 p.m. singalong. From holiday-season tunes to ’80s favorites and from rock ’n’ roll to country-western and everything between, there’s a song for you during this friendly karaoke night.
Dec. 21—Christmas Polka Pajama Party at Art*Bar (722 E. Burleigh St.): Wait, wait, wait... Christmas pajamas? A live polka band? Art*Bar? How could this 9 p.m. holiday bash get any better? Add a buffet and door prizes, and OMG, what a night! Grab your flannels, sweatpants and slippers and hit this memorable holiday bash.
Dec. 23—Blue Christmas Service at Christ Church UCC (915 E. Oklahoma Ave.): Not quite feeling the holiday spirit this year? Maybe your life has been marred by disease, loss or depression? This service of healing and hope might just help. Hosted by Christ Church United Church of Christ and Milwaukee Metropolitan Community Church, this 7 p.m. mass is open to the public.
Dec. 23—Closing Night of ‘The Golden Girls’ First Christmas’ at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): Purse String Productions joins forces with Hamburger Mary’s for an evening of golden holiday cheer. Your $39 ticket includes dinner from a special menu, dessert, the play, raffles and more. Join Dorothy (me...Dear Ruthie!), Sophia (B.J. Daniels), Blanche (Dita Von) and Rose (Brandon Herr) in this hilarious yet heartwarming show by Anthony Torti. Visit mkegoldengirls.brownpapertickets.com to nab your table.
Dec. 24—Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at Milwaukee Metropolitan Community Church (1239 W. Mineral St.): You can cherish the Christian “reason for the season” during an 8 p.m. mass that’s open to all—including the LGBTQ community. Enjoy the story of the holy family as told through scripture and song and join the congregation for a complimentary dessert reception afterward.
Ask Ruthie a question or share your events with her at dearruthie@shepex.com. Follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie.
