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Dear Ruthie,
I completely freak out every time my elderly mother doesn’t answer the phone. As an only child, I feel completely responsible for my mom’s well-being since my dad died. Also, I’m a lesbian with no partner or children, so I wonder if worrying about mom hasn’t filled some lonely void in my life? Am I slowly going crazy? Am I being overprotective? Maybe I’m just being a good daughter. I struggle with all three of these possibilities. What do you think?
Seeking Input,
Lonely Laura
Dear Lonely,
You’re not a worry wart, you’re not going crazy, and you are a good daughter, sugar pie! It’s easy to understand how you might feel like your mom’s caretaker, even though I don’t know her health, economic or emotional status.
Let’s tackle the phone issue first, okay? A good idea might be to establish a time you and your mother talk on the phone daily. Let her know that you’ll be calling at that time every day, and that it’s imperative you speak to her at that time. Explain that you need her to answer the phone at that specific time or you’ll assume an emergency is at hand. Once the call is done, try to go about your day without worry.
Now for your loneliness. Consider expanding your social circle with some volunteer work or a part-time job. Don’t look specifically for love but for friendship. Feel your circle of friends is fine as is? Then plan weekly get-togethers. (See my Social Calendar for some ideas!) These events will give you something to look forward to and keep your mind off unsubstantiated worry.
If your feelings of loneliness are crippling, please see a therapist who can help. Similarly, a therapist can steer you through issues you might experience as your mother’s primary caretaker. You’re a strong, caring woman. Remind yourself of that, and you’ll find instant comfort, darlin’.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
Nov. 1—Day of the Dead Party at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): Not ready to give up on Halloween? Celebrate Day of the Dead instead! Dress up and party down when Harbor Room hosts a colorful contest for the best costume/face. Enjoy the football game and drink specials and take advantage of free rapid HIV screening and safe sex kits. The party runs 7-9 p.m.
Nov. 2—Courage Gala: There’s No Place Like Home (1415 N. Prospect Ave.): Follow the yellow brick road to this glorious gala for Courage MKE. The posh 6:30 p.m. party features live entertainment, silent auctions, food, cash bars, keynote speakers and more. Dress up or dress down; it’s your call, because everyone is welcome at this housewarming party that ultimately helps LGBTQ youth. See shepherdtickets.com for your $35 ticket.
Nov. 2—“Randy Rainbow Live” at The Pabst Theatre (144 E. Wells St.): Internet sensation Randy Rainbow returns to Milwaukee with his brilliant wit fully in tow. As thought-provoking as he is hilarious, Randy promises a night of songs and laughter during the 7:30 p.m. one-man show. Nab your tickets (starting at $29) at pabstheater.org.
Nov. 3—Halloween Ball at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): An event for LGBTQ youth, this dance party is open to those 13-24 years old. Enjoy a drag show, snacks and beverages. Have questions about the 7 p.m. event? Call the center at 414-271-2656.
Nov. 3—Drag Matinee Presents Dear Ruthie and Red Rum at Berlin Nightclub (954 W. Belmont Ave., Chicago): Join me, burlesque superstar Red Rum and infamous emcee T Rex during this legendary 10:30 p.m. drag show. You’ll also party with five other performers, two incredible DJs, drink specials and more, because this party is the spot to be when it comes to Midwest craziness.
Nov. 4—Love is Love: An LGBT & Allies Wedding Showcase at Hilton Milwaukee City Center (509 W. Wisconsin Ave.): Planning your wedding? Check out this expo, showcasing vendors happy to work with all families. Sponsored by the Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce, the 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. expo is free and open to the public.
Nov. 5—Monday Moonlight Karaoke at This Is It! (418 E. Wells St.): Jump-start the work week with a 9 p.m. sing-along at one of Cream City’s favorite LGBTQ bars. Sing a song or sit back and watch the fun with some of the friendliest, funniest bartenders in town.
Ask Ruthie a question and share your events at dearruthie@shepex.com. Follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie. Listen to Ruthie every Friday on Energy 106.9FM at 10:05 a.m.
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