Dear Ruthie,
I’m a gay man who gets a lot of first dates but not so many second dates. I’m not sure what the problem is. My friends say that my looks get me in the door with interested guys, but my conversation skills on the date ruin things. I disagree, but something is going on with my dating life. Any tips that might get me a second date?
Thanks, No Seconds for Me
Dear Sloppy Seconds,
I don’t know you or what you’re like on dates, but when it comes to socializing with a new love interest, I’m guessing we can all use a brush up. As such, I asked my gal pal, Shawn Alderton, to share her top tips for first-date success. Why Shawn? Not only is she Milwaukee’s only certified professional matchmaker (certified by the Matchmaking Institute in Manhattan, N.Y.), but she’s also the CEO and founder of Wisconsin’s Affluent Amore Matchmakers (affluentamore.com) with four years of matchmaking under her belt.
Your problem might be that you’re simply selecting the wrong people to date. “It always starts with the initial connection,” says Shawn. She suggests asking yourself how you feel around that special person. “This is an accurate way to gauge if this person may be a good fit for you,” she adds. “Always listen to what your intuition is telling you about the person. I use my gift of intuition every day in my matchmaking.”
Like me, Shawn is a big believer in faith and putting the right type of energy into the Universe. “Make a point of replacing anxiety with faith” she says. “Know that you deserve to be loved. Positive energy and attitude are everything.”
When it’s time for the big day, Shawn suggests keeping those positive vibes flowing. “Go into that first date saying, ‘I am really looking forward to this adventure of meeting someone new and interesting. There is always something I can learn from everyone.’ This can make a big difference when it comes to being open to the possibilities. Be authentic and your best self and understand that ‘like attracts like.’”
Not sure what to talk about as the date starts? Offer up a bit of praise. “Share a genuine compliment you notice about him,” says Shawn. “Words of appreciation go a long way. Smile, flirt, keep the subject matter light and have fun!” And for God’s sake, people, stay off your phones!
“Turn off and put away the cell phones, please,” laughs Shawn. “Manners are important! Elbows off the table; no trying someone’s food off their plate. These actions are very noticed and important. It’s also important to do more listening and be curious,” she adds. “People will tell you exactly who they are up front, so it’s your job to pay close attention.” I couldn’t agree more.
Listen more, kids, and talk less on that first date, “and leave a little mystery for the next date,” adds Shawn. Hopefully, these tips help with your next date. Write back and let Shawn and me know!
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
March 27—Bi+ Happy Hour at O’Lydias (338 S. First St.): Part of the Bi+ community? An ally? Take a midweek break with this 6-8:30 p.m. cocktail hour at one of the city’s favorite waterholes. Order up some great eats, enjoy trivia later in the night and make new friends at the change-of-pace venue.
March 27—‘Life in the Hmong/Southeast Asian Community as LGBTQ’ Discussion at the Hmong American Women’s Association (3727 W. National Ave.): Join a lively discussion about what life is like being Hmong/Southeast Asian and LGBTQ. Part one of a four-part series, the 6-8 p.m. discussion includes light refreshments. Email pada@hawamke.org for more.
March 30—Fourth-Annual MKE Vegan Expo at the UW-Milwaukee Student Union Ballroom (2200 E. Kenwood Blvd.): Open to the public, this 10 a.m.-5 p.m. food fest focuses on those living a plant-based lifestyle (whether vegetarian, vegan, locavores or flexitarians). Enjoy cooking demos, speakers, exhibitors and, of course, some great food! The fest is free but be sure to register at mkeveganexpo.org.
March 30—Make a Promise 2019 at the Wisconsin Center (400 W. Wisconsin Ave.): The granddaddy of all HIV/AIDS-related fundraisers hits the calendar with this fabulous gala hosted by ARCW. The theme of this year’s bash is “Don’t Stop Us Now,” and the festivities kick off with a 5 p.m. cocktail reception, 7 p.m. dinner and 9 p.m. rock concert and dancing. Tickets run $100-$2,500 and are available via arcw.org.
March 31—Miss Hamburger Mary’s Pageant at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): See who has what it takes to sizzle up as winner of this juicy competition. Talent, evening gown and onstage questions make up this 7 p.m. pageant; doors open at 6 p.m., so come early for a great seat and a bite to eat. Hosted by the lovely Bryanna Banx, it’s sure to a fun night to remember. Be sure to stop by the judges table and say, “Hi.”
April 3—Milwaukee Women’s Leadership Luncheon at Holiday Inn Milwaukee Riverfront (4700 N. Port Washington Road): The Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce hosts this 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. afternoon of networking, dialoging and more, including a keynote speech from Amy Chionchio, president and CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Metro Milwaukee. Tickets start at $30 (for charter members) and go to $1,000 (for presenting sponsors). See wislgbtchamber.com to order yours today!
Ask Ruthie a question or share your events with her at dearruthie@shepex.com. Follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie. Don’t miss season one of her drag reality show on YouTube, “Camp Wannakiki!”
