For all the political mayhem going on these days, it’s always nice to take a half-time break to stop the world and get off. Last week, the NFL draft provided that respite for fans of Wisconsin’s national pastime, LGBTQ or otherwise. In Oscar night manner, the televised draft extravaganza featured a nattily dressed presenter for each player pick. I’m not a major NFL fan so I don’t know if the anticipation was as great as at the Oscars but suffice it to say, the attendees’ raucous responses to each draft selection (or more so to the selecting team) were palpable with enthusiastic cheers and, at times, even more enthusiastic and brutal boos. There was lots of chatter from gay Green Bay Packer fans on social media, too.
There’s no surprise there. Green and gold gays have always wanted their gridiron hero. Aaron Rogers seemed to be the great gay hope for a while. According to a Brett Favre biography, as a rookie, Rogers was the “butt of jokes” and it was rumored he might be gay. Of course, the strange (and bitter) bromance break-up of Rogers and his “personal assistant” in 2013 further fueled expectations of an imminent coming-out. But they were crushed as the boyish bachelor began dating model what’s-her-name who even bragged about their pre-game sexploits (talk about twisting the knife!). But, buoyed by their split a year ago, there was a momentary “told you so” sigh of satisfaction when the dashing quarterback took up with NASCAR driver Dan Patrick.
Ah, there’s nothing like a lover’s hint of gas fumes and greasy knuckles…one could easily imagine our popular Packer talking horse power, gear shifts and the tiresome trials of sponsor logo placement in the afterglow (or before, for that matter) rather than glazing over while the ex went on about the pros and cons of Versace. However titillating the visual might have been, in a blocked-again moment, it turned out Dan is Danica.
Oh well, there was always the second string hopeful (and my personal fave) Jordy Nelson (not to be confused with Jordi Savall, the famous gambist). After all, he appeared as a friend of Dorothy (or, at least her reincarnation) in a Wisconsin tourism spot in which the affable “87” knocks himself out by running into a tree while turning to catch a pass (no doubt based on an actual event), then awakens in a Technicolor world of cheesehead Munchkins. The Oz fantasy ends in a Dorothean return to reality but with Jordy endearingly grinning as the camera follows his gaze to his sparkling ruby spikes.
Then there was the launch of Jordy’s Farm Fresh Flakes cereal. The box front featured an especially “flattering” full length Nelson caricature and on the backside, a maze where you’re supposed to “help Jordy get his cow back in the barn.” Speaking of sugar and Jordy caricatures, if you’re disposed to doodling reveries, there’s a how-to video on YouTube. The squinty-eyed likeness is spot on, save for the neck…it should be much thicker.
But then they traded Jordy away. Life can be so cruel. Anyway, never fear, the draft provided a slew of potential new GB heartthrobs, like the versatile cornerback Jaire Alexander.
