Photo credit: Wisconsin Dept. of Natural Resources
Deer hunters, for God’s sake, watch out for little children in the woods this year! They’re armed! Just when you think legislators couldn’t get any more reckless in opposing sensible limits on the unrestricted use of deadly weapons anytime, anywhere, by anyone, Wisconsin Republicans are ready to prove you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
The overwhelming majority in the state who do not participate in the annual slaughter known as Wisconsin’s deer hunt may be appalled to learn children as young as 10 have been allowed by lawmakers to roam the woods with fully loaded firearms, and that those kids have never been required to receive any gun safety training. But if you’re just learning this now, forget it, because Gov. Scott Walker and Republican legislators decided it wasn’t fair to younger brothers and sisters to require them to reach the advanced age of 10 before they could join the fun of blowing away live animals.
So, get this: They’ve revised the law to eliminate all minimum age limits. Now, even toddlers can experience the joy of killing stuff as long they can lift a fully loaded weapon and squeeze the trigger with their tiny, little fingers. Of course, it might be difficult for really small children to shoot a deer above the knees, so children will always be accompanied by a responsible adult to finish the animal off.
Babes in the Woods
Under the previous “mentored hunting” law, the primary responsibility of the adult was to watch the underage child closely at all times to make certain that literal babe in the woods didn’t mishandle a deadly firearm—thus endangering lives around them, as well as the child’s own extremely short one. That’s why the child and his or her adult mentor were permitted to have only one gun between them.
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Republicans decided that was a drag, too. What if more than one deer came along, and the adult had to miss a great shot messing with some little kid? That’s why the new law allows both the child and the adult to carry their own guns so they can fire them at the same time—ideally not at each other.
A logical question some completely sane person might be asking is, what is the purpose of a law pushing innocent, young children who love their pets and stuffed animals into an adult world of bloody, wildlife carnage? Is Wisconsin’s hunting culture so wildly popular that tiny children just can’t wait to massacre animals? Of course not.
Happy Hunting Grounds
The dirty, little secret is that the much-hyped Wisconsin hunting culture is slowly dying. That’s because hunters are. Hunting is not one of those healthy lifetime sports that actually extends your life. Drinking heavily, playing poker and tramping through woods wearing heavy blaze orange clothing are not aerobic. As older hunters go to their happy hunting grounds, younger hunters aren’t replacing them in nearly the same numbers. The reason the state previously set the age for mentored hunting at the absurdly low age of 10 was because older kids weren’t interested. (Teenagers have their own amusements, primarily involving each other.)
Pre-teens didn’t swell the diminishing pack of hunters, either. So now, Republicans have decided to abandon all concerns about child safety and start arming kindergarteners and preschoolers. Why shouldn’t parents decide for themselves when their own little tykes are mature enough to run around in the woods armed with deadly weapons? Well, one reason is because some parents are complete idiots. But, hey, the state could lose a lot of money if fewer people buy hunting licenses.
Naturally, Wisconsin Republicans have the strong support of the National Rifle Association (NRA)—the front organization for U.S. gun manufacturers that believes every man, woman and child should be armed from head to toe with as many concealed and openly carried deadly weapons as they can possibly carry at all times.
Opponents who, for some reason, thought toddler hunting might be a bad idea included the Wisconsin Wildlife Federation, Wisconsin Hunter Education Instructors Association and responsible Wisconsin outdoor writers who work full time advocating and celebrating every form of hunting. In fact, gun safety instructors testified that 10 years old was already was too young for many children to hunt simply because they lacked the physical strength to control powerful firearms—not to mention possessing childish judgment. Most chillingly, psychologists warn that children (like little Jeffrey Dahmer) who cruelly enjoy torturing and killing animals may be showing signs of incipient mental illness.
Let children learn to love animals first before they start killing them. They’ll be adults with guns soon enough.
