(1) In December, Daniel Gable, 61, wasarrested for breaking and entering a neighbor's apartment in Fargo, N.D. Gableallegedly triggered the resident's "burglar alarm," which consists ofa stack of empty beer cans the resident places just inside his front door everynight. (2) In Morehead, Ky., in December, two men, ages 44 and 18, were chargedwith theft for allegedly swiping an 18-inch-long bearded dragon lizard from theEagles Landing Pet Hospital and attempting, in two beverage stores, to exchangeit for liquor. (3) Lawyer Christopher Carroll was charged with misdemeanorbattery in December for forcefully belly-bumping lawyer Jonathan Carbary duringan argument in a courthouse hallway in St. Charles Township, Ill. Carroll saidit was an accident: "We're both obese, middle-aged men."
Compelling Explanations
- In a January interview for Detailsmagazine, a man going by the name “Markus” explained that becoming the firstlegal male prostitute in Nevada (and thus the United States)is "a civil rights thing. … It's just the same as when Rosa Parks decidedto sit at the front (of the bus) instead of the back," he said.
- Lame: (1) Ex-convict John Stephens told a Floyd County (Ind.) judge inDecember that he had a full-time job and intended to turn his life around, butslipped up when television coverage of local bank robberies convinced him totry to rob the Your Community Bank. He said that he wouldn't have been temptedto rob the bank if he "hadn't been watching the news and seeing (othersuccessful) bank robberies." Stephens said he was especially impressed bycoverage of a robber who had made it look easy by jumping over the counters ofmultiple banks in a string of successful robberies. (2) In Kansas City, Mo.,in December, the mother of Charles Irving tried to protect her 27-year-old sonfrom a charge of being a felon in possession of a gun. She told police (withoutsuccess) that he had the gun to protect her from vampires.
- Republican Rod Jetton, a former speaker of the Missouri House ofRepresentatives and creator of Common Sense Conservative Consulting, wascharged with felony assault in December after visiting a woman in her home in Sikeston, Mo.,apparently for a sexual encounter. The woman later charged that Jetton punchedher in the head and choked her into unconsciousness as his idea of foreplay,but Jetton said the "assault" was consensual. Allegedly, Jetton saidthat the woman was supposed to utter a prearranged "safe word" if thingsgot too rough, and that he would have stopped immediately. Jetton told policethat the woman never spoke the agreed-upon phrase "green balloons."
Ironies
A central purpose of the California MilkAdvisory Board is to convince consumers to buy local dairy products as a way tohelp Californiafarmers by keeping more money in the state. But the board acknowledged inNovember that part of an upcoming promotional campaign would be filmed in New Zealand,which offers low production costs. Said a board official: "We have a…responsibilityto spend (taxpayers') hard-earned dollars as efficiently as we can."
Fine Points of the Law
In November, Powhatan County, Va.,prosecutors dismissed charges against five corrections officers despiteevidence that they were involved in inappropriately fondling a K-9 service dog.Officers are expected to "bond" with their dogs during training, butone of the men allegedly was seen "touching the dog's penis with hishand," according to a prosecutor. However, Virginia law requires that the state prove"cruelty" to the dog, and the prosecutor, after consulting withveterinarians, concluded that he could not win the case.
Creme de la Weird
Russell Vanderwerf, 44, an agent of the U.S.Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, was arrested in Metairie, La.,in December and charged with damaging property while staying at the ResidenceInn hotel. According to police, Vanderwerf had removed the bedroom door to hissuite and in its place installed a plywood plank that contained a hole at aboutpelvis level. The arresting deputy said the hole had been rimmed in duct tapeand appeared to be used "in some sort of sexual act." Another guesttold police that numerous young men had been entering and exiting Vanderwerf'sroom.
A News of the Weird Classic (September 1993)
In August 1993, Pentecostal preacher SammyRodriguez, 29, and 19 relatives from Floydada, Texas, set out in one vehicle ona pilgrimage, but as they passed through Vinton, La., Rodriguez sped away frompolice trying to make a traffic stop. When the chase ended, police discoveredthat all 20 people in the vehicle were naked. Rodriguez explained that the HolySpirit had ordered him and his family on a journey and that they were to leavebehind all possessions (supposedly to confuse Satan), which Rodriguez took tomean clothing as well. He pleaded guilty to the traffic charge and, withdonated clothing, the group went on their way.
© 2010 Chuck Shepherd
