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Before we read a letter or check out Milwaukee’s happenings, I just want to give a great big, wet, sloppy kiss to everyone who caught me in the comedy Valley of the Dolls at Off the Wall Theatre. If you saw it, I owe you a hug or a drink…or a hug. If you didn’t see the show, go screw yourself. No, no, no. I’m kidding. There will be plenty of chances for us to meet in person in 2015 (but I’m not hugging you).
Not into theater? There are still lots of great things going on within the city’s LGBT community! Let’s read an email from a friend and then catch up on the crazy fun in Brew Town!
Dear Ruthie,
Is watching internet porn cheating?
—Right Hander
Dear Righty-Tighty,
Go for it! Beat your private area until it looks like a Hot Pocket that’s been in the microwave too long. Seriously. Log on and rifle off all the knuckle juice you want. Use your left hand once so it feels like someone else is doing it. And don’t forget the taint, sweetie! Let your fingers do the walking through no-man’s land from time to time.
What’s that? You feel guilty? That means you’re doing something wrong. Perhaps you know that doing this might hurt your significant other. (That is why you’re asking, right?) Whether or not cyber porn counts as cheating is up to the two of you. No one can answer your question except you and your honey. So log off the Asian Ass-Wrestlers homepage, put down the jumbo-sized can of Crisco and go talk to your honey about how the two of you define cheating.
UPCOMING EVENTS:
January 9: TGIF at The Roman Coin (1004 E. Brady St.): Say you can’t meet anyone in Milwaukee? Stop your bitchin’ and join the folks of the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center! They usher in the weekend with new and old friends alike at this roving party. This month, the group claims an iconic Brady Street bar with an LGBT Happy Hour that runs 5:30 to 7:30 p.m.
January 10: Girls Rock Fundraiser at Borg Ward (823 W. National Ave.): Whether you’re a rock ’n’ roll chick, a heavy-metal diva or simply a dame who likes to rock out, you don’t want to miss this kickass fundraiser. Raising money for the city’s Girls Rock summer day camp, this day of music presents more than a dozen Midwest bands strutting their stuff, starting at 1 p.m. You’ll also find raffles, prizes and more so grab your best girlfriend and get ready to rock out with your (insert body part here) out
January 11: White Elephant Winter Family Celebration at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): After the success of the LGBT Community Center’s DecemberFest, the pink party planners are tackling winter…white-elephant style! Wrap up Aunt Rosie’s potholders, cousin Marie’s fruit cake or Debra’s homemade earring (damn Debra), and bring them to the Community Center at 1 p.m. Keep the gifts family friendly and get ready to bring home a new kitschy favorite. Stay for a G-rated movie, watch the kids enjoy their own gift exchange, meet new friends and more!
January 11: Colin Acumen Defense Workshop/Benefit Show at Frank’s Power Plant (2800 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.): After being violently assaulted, local drag king and overall awesome person Colin Acumen continues to recover and spread messages regarding the power of self defense. Check out the 7 p.m. self-defense workshop and the 9 p.m. variety show. (You must email SahnyaSusanThom@gmail.com to sign up for the 45-minute workshop.) There is no cover charge for the workshop/show, but donations are encouraged that will help Colin with medical bills.
January 13: LGBT Business Diversity Summit at Alumni Memorial Union (1442 W. Wisconsin Ave.): The Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce hosts this 7:30 to 11:30 a.m. event. Network with other Wisconsin professionals, enjoy keynote speaker Deena Fidas and benefit from breakout sessions sure to help your business prosper in 2015. Workshops include marketing diversity, effectively sharing your LGBT story and reinvigorating your business plan. Seating is limited for the free summit, but you can save a seat by contacting info@wislgbtchamber.com or calling 414-678-9275. I just love a man in a business suit!
Have a question for Ruthie or want to tell her about an event? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com. Be sure to “friend” her on Facebook (Ruthie Keester) and follow her on Twitter (@DearRuthie).
