A friend recently asked me about the emails I receive for this column. I explained that I try to answer the questions in the order I receive them, but at times I hold onto emails, deciding to answer them at a later date. Sometimes I’ll even group similar letters together just for the hell of it. That’s what we’ve got here, my friends—a bunch of naughty letters asking about my red carpet, my rack and more.
Writing for Milwaukee publications for more than 20 years, I’ve noticed one thing: People can ask some pretty personal things. That said, take a gander at some of the cheekier questions I receive. Enjoy!
Dear Ruthie,
Let’s cut to the chase. Does the carpet match the curtains?
—Want to Know
Dear Nosey,
Yes…but only when it’s steam cleaned.
Dear Ruthie,
I really want to know what cup size you are? Love those cans.
—Admired from Afar
Dear Weirdo,
42 long…on a good night. At my age, my boobies hang so low, I wear curb feelers on my nipples.
P.S. “Cans?”
Dear Ruthie,
Have you ever considered taking a dip in the lady pond?
—Wondering in Stallis
Dear Stallis,
I haven’t gone Downtown with a gal pal, but I certainly have no qualms with those who do. I’m pretty sure that if I put my toe in the lady pond, I’d need water wings, however, as I’d likely be swept away.
Dear Ruthie,
What’s with the hair and glasses? I don’t get it.
—Questioning
Dear Questioning,
Fuck you. I’m old.
UPCOMING EVENTS
June 20: Opening Night of ‘Beautiful—The Carole King Musical’ at Uihlein Hall/Marcus Center (929 N. Water St.): Celebrate the story of a songstress who wrote the soundtrack of an entire generation. From “One Fine Day” to “I Feel the Earth Move,” the tunes in this much-loved musical promise to keep your toes tapping all night long. Don’t miss the chance to witness this delightful show in person. See marcuscenter.org for tickets for the production, which runs through June 25.
June 23 & June 24: ‘La La Land in Concert’ at The Riverside (144 E. Wells St.): Experience the Academy Award-winning film La La Land like never before. The Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra performs the score to the movie projected in high definition during two performances. Doors open at 7 p.m.; show time is 8 p.m. Tickets start at $29.50. Visit pabsttheater.org for additional information.
June 24: Milwaukee Comic Convention at Wisconsin State Fair Park (640 S. 84th St.): Shazam! It’s time to celebrate your inner geek with more than 300 vendors, artists, special guests and performers at this summer celebration of all things cosplay, super hero, wild and wacky. Enter the costume contest, meet favorite celebrities from the comic world, and shop the expo until your little cartoon heart explodes. Tickets start at $5 for the 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m. convention. Visit geekinccomics.com for additional information.
June 24: Drag with The Disappointments at Up & Under Pub (1216 E. Brady St.): What happens when you cross the city’s wildest drag queens with one of Milwaukee’s favorite punk bands? You get this night of out-of-control craziness. Join enticing emcee Ricky Royale as she hosts a night of music, booze and badass fun. The free show starts at 9 p.m.
June 25: ‘Lea DeLaria: An Evening of Comedy and Music’ at Ravinia Festival (200 Ravinia Park Road, Ill.): If you haven’t been to the lovely music park south of the Wisconsin border, a date with the bawdy mistress of Broadway offers the perfect opportunity to check it out! One of the LGBTQ community’s favorite funny ladies hits the stage at 7:30 p.m. for an age 18+ concert. Lawn seats go for $20, and pavilion seats start at $45. Check out ravinia.org for all of the details.
Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email dearruthie@shepex.com.
