Police arrested Jose Diaz Jr., 35, and charged him with shoplifting from a Wal-Mart in Madison Township, Ohio,in October after Diaz attempted to run from the store with a digitalcamera. He first crashed into the glass front doorwhich looked like itwas open, but was actually closedand cut himself badly. Then he exitedinto the parking lot, where he almost immediately ran into a cementpost, allowing security personnel to catch up to him.
Local Government Follies
(1)Police in Cobb County, Ga., said in October that County CommissionerAnnette Kesting had asked “high voodoo priestess” George Ann Mills toperform a “death ritual” on her longtime political rival WoodyThompson. Allegedly, she preferred that Thompson die from cancer or acar accident. Mills acknowledged helping Kesting on some “family”issues, by sacrificing three hens and a rooster, but said she wouldnever help to take a human life.
(2) In Flint, Mich., two people (an assistant to the mayor and a local activist) accused City Councilwoman Jackie Poplarof assault following a rancorous council meeting. Poplar allegedlysprayed the pair with a can of Raid, proclaiming, “Pests! We need toget rid of these pests!”
Can't Possibly Be True
- Residents of an Austin, Texas,neighborhood undergoing a federally mandated sewer replacement noticedthat, for several weeks starting in September, the work crews wouldspend the first three hours of their 12-hour days digging a huge holein the street, and the last three hours re-filling and paving over it(repeating the process each day). The 20-by-20-by-20-foot hole inMonroe Street was too big to be covered with metal plates, and thecity's policy of minimal traffic disruption required repaving fornighttime use, at least doubling the cost of the work.
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(1)In October, a 58-year-old patient accused the Rush Green DentalPractice in Romford, England, of injecting Novocain in preparation foran extraction and then refusing to pull the tooth until he handed overan additional 30 pounds ($47) in cash. The patient had to go home toget his ATM card, according to a Daily Mail report, and did not make it back until the Novocain had begun to wear off.
(2)Police in the Bavarian town of Neu-Ulm said they were investigating adentist who allegedly barged into the home of a 35-year-old patient inSeptember, tied her hands, forced her mouth open and removed denturesworth the equivalent of about $500 because the woman's insurancecompany had declined to pay.
Unclear on the Concept
InNovember, after two years of controversy, the school board inJacksonville, Fla., voted 5-2 to retain the designation of NathanBedford Forrest High School, which is named for a Confederate generalwho was also an early leader of the Ku Klux Klan. Advocates for changedescribed Forrest as one of America'sbiggest Civil War slave traders, but a local Confederacy historian saidhis research indicated that Forrest was “nice” to his slaves, adding,“They loved him.”
Perverts
(1)Akira Hino, 51, was arrested in Tokyo in September and charged withstealing a woman's underpants by using a fishing rod to reach a laundrypole on an apartment balcony. Police found more than 500 women's undiesin his apartment.
2)A 34-year-old primary-school teacher was convicted in September for a2007 incident in Clydebank, Scotland, in which he was arrested after hestopped in front of a high schoolon his way to workand was caughtwatching students while fondling himself with an electrical vibratorplugged into his car's cigarette lighter.
Recurring Themes
The latest evidence that size matters to men:
(1) Following a men's room argument in Durban, South Africa, in September, five men left a bar, returned with guns and killed three patrons. Accordingto police, the altercation started when a man at a urinal calledattention to another man's “small” genital size, and the incidentescalated from there.
(2)In August, the indecent-exposure conviction of a Houston urologist wasupheld on appeal despite a doctor stating that he is so “small” (2.8inches) that it would have been impossible for his sex organ to be seenby anyone, even if he had tried to expose himself.
The Only Way Out
Initially, authorities ruled the March shooting death of Texasrestaurant executive Thomas Hickman, 55, a kidnap-murder, since he hadbeen shot in the back of the head and his body was found in the New Mexicodesert. Later, however, investigators found the murder weapon nearby,attached to balloons that had snagged on a cactus, and in Julyconcluded that Hickman had killed himself. They said that he riggedhelium-filled balloons to carry the gun away as he lay dying, in a planthat resembled a 2003 episode of “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.”
© 2008 Chuck Shepherd
