Cigarette Warning
Zach Schultz of Denver recently put his health at risk bysmokingbut this time, it cost him his car. Schultz tossed a lit cigarette outthe window of his car while driving down Colorado Boulevard in July, but thecigarette blew back into the car and set fire to the back seat. Firefightershad to close several lanes to fight the blaze, which destroyed the car.
Police Report
- Sensitive! (1) Police in St. Paul, Minn., werecalled to the 1300 block of Desoto Street in July by a 43-year-old man who demandedthat a report be filed because he had found a slice of half-eaten pizza nearhis fence and thought it represented someone’s intent to “harass” him. (2)Police cited a 56-year-old man in Carlisle, Pa., in September after a complaint from neighbor BrianTaylor, 43, who swore that the man had flicked a toothpick onto the sidewalk infront of Taylor’shome just to “annoy” him.
- A nine-hour, 16-officer search of the home of alleged drug kingpinMichael Difalco, near Lakeland, Fla., in March, apparently wasnot exciting enough. Surveillance video (from Difalco's security system)released by police in September showed that some officers took the time to playa game of bowling on Difalco’s Nintendo Wii. The detectives, unaware of thecamera, pumped their fists and shouted gleefully with every strike. Policesupervisors acknowledged the unprofessional behavior, but said the search wasstill productive.
Fetishes on Parade
In September in Truro, England,David Truscott, 40, was sentenced to four months in jail for repeatedlytrespassing on the farm of Clive Roth. Truscott, who would play in the farm’smanure-spreader while wearing only his underwear and rubber gloves, told thecourt that he had a sexual fetish for manure. Three weeks earlier, Gary Moody,49, was charged in federal court in Portland, Maine, with lingering inside a pit toilet in the White Mountain National Forest. He admitted to havingan “outhouse problem,” as the arresting officer described it. Moody was notcaught in the act, but he was a prime suspect because he had pleaded no contestto a similar incident in 2005, and later confessed to the most recent incident.
Least Competent Criminals
Daniel Taylor Jr., 33, was arrested in Elizabethton, Tenn.,in September following a domestic disturbance complaint against a neighbor. Asheriff's deputy had gone to Taylor'shouse by mistake, wrongly thinking it was the source of the complaint. Taylor immediatelysurrendered to the deputy anyway, and turned around to be handcuffed. When thedeputy inquired as to why Taylor thought heshould be arrested, Taylorsaid he assumed the deputy had come to arrest him for violating probation onearlier charges. So the deputy took Taylorto the station.
Recurring Themes
- Another Driver Poor at Multitasking: A German truck driver in his 30scrashed his 18-wheeler near Boras, Sweden, inSeptember. Though he was not seriously hurt, the driver was pinned in thewreckage, unable to move. When rescuers and police first saw him, they notedthat the trapped driver’s genitals were exposed and that his hand was claspedin the area of his genitals.
- Sylvester Jiles, 24, became the most recent former inmate to try tobreak back into prison (in Jiles’ case, he did it to seek "protection"from threats to his life on the outside). In August in Brevard County, Fla.,Jiles was hospitalized for the heavy loss of blood that resulted from fallingonto the razor wire inside the prison wall.
Government in Action
For three weeks in September, budget-consciousMayor Sallie Peake of Wellford, S.C., barred the police fromchasing suspects on foot, even for crimes in progress. The mayor said thatseveral officers had been injured during foot chases, and that the subsequentinsurance costs were too much for the city. (Facing heavy criticism, Peakerescinded the policy on Sept. 24.)
A News of the Weird Classic
"Anal-wart researcher" (visualinspection being the only way to detect anal cancer from the humanpapillomavirus) heads Popular Science magazine’s November 2004list of the worst jobs in science. However, "worm parasitologist" canbe just as challenging, especially for anyone studying the Dracunculus medinensis (which can settle in humans to a length of 3feet and then must be removed carefully after its thousands of offspring burstthrough the skin). Other contenders: "tampon squeezer" for the studyof vaginal infections; a Lyme-disease "tick attractor" (who mustsing, to keep bears away, while trolling in the woods); and "monitors"at warm-climate landfills (where garbage has been reduced to steamy, liquidcondensates).
%uFFFD 2009 Chuck Shepherd
