For many years I’ve been daydreaming about sports. Not inyour traditional “I wish I were Hank Aaron, or Tony Mandarich” kind of dreaming.In this wonderment I look at a sport and consider why some things aren’tdifferent or more sporting.
How could we make professional sports more interesting? What if we made golf balls out of something a littledenser? How about filling the little orb with ball bearings or cement? Let’ssee Tiger blast a chunk of concrete off the tee 300 yards.
In the NFL, I say we make players go barefoot after welitter the field with broken glass and thumb tacks. Let’s see Ricky Williamsgain 200 yards without cleats. It would be great fun to watch the gargantuanlinemen tripping over each other, jamming their toes in the turf (now that’s alegitimate case of turf-toe).
Baseball players can be cocky, football players confident,but NBA players are smug. I don’t deny that they are talented athletes; however,I think they’re one-trick-ponies. If not for their height, these guys would beworking regular jobs like the rest of us. They’d just see the job from a muchhigher perspective.
Raising the rim in the NBA is my fondest wish–greater thanworld peace or a potato chip without carbohydrates.
We’ve heard theories as to how to change the NBA brand ofbasketball, to make it more entertaining or reasonable.
I’m convinced that an 11-foot rim is the only way to go. Thesedays, if a ball is passed down low, all the player has to do is jump straightup and use every bit of god-given muscle and sinew to jam the ball through thehoop with the force of a jackhammer. It’s like shooting a deer in a cage or fishingthe stream in a shopping mall (my little brother did that at
An NBA player dunking the basketball is insanely easy. Iwouldn’t take much pride in beating up a third grader, and these guys can jam aball like Tiger can make a two-foot blindfolded putt.
Where’s the sport in doing that?
What if we took it a step forward and made jamming illegal.
Golf has the hole-in-one, baseball has the home run, footballhas the Hail Mary and the NBA has the dunk. The shot is known by many names,including (but not limited to) the dunk, the slam, the slam dunk, the stuff,rim rocker, knuckle blaster, kissing the rim, French kissing the rim, twinklingthe net and the (rarer) Mongolian cluster plum.
With the new rule, a player would in fact be penalized if hedid “jam.” God forbid, the guy would have to rely on skill to gently guide theball over the rim, into the net. His huge paws would be forbidden to force-feedthe rim, thereby limiting his game dramatically.
I’d especially delight in seeing Shaquille O’Neal be reducedto a tree stump in the lane. He’d sport the grace of a garbage truck onice.Players from yesteryear, like DavidRobinson and Dr. J, would have fared better as they had more talent anddiversity to their game. An outside shot for one thing, a touch for another.
It’d be great to see a 7-footer jump as high as he could,only to slam the ball against the side of the 11-foot rim. The ricochet wouldcause him to jettison backward onto his butt.
The embarrassment alone would be sublime.
He wouldn’t be injured, but he’d think twice about attemptingthat stunt again.
The Bucks seem to be doing well and I’m glad for them. ScottSkiles appears to have breeched the team’s inner sanctum and might makebelievers out of his players.
I’ve been to a handful of games this year, and the fanturnout is not what it once was. You can blame this on the economy or theapathy of fans, either way you’d be correct.
The Bucks are determined to drum up interest, even if it’s abit forced, somewhat disingenuous.
Bucks rookie forward Joe Alexander has been tabbed as theteam’s new public relations target. They’ve started an advertising campaignhoping we’ll become engrossed in the team and part with our disposable incomethe moment it hits our pockets. According to the Bucks, this kid can jump.
Alexander is hoping to be chosen as one of the candidatesfor the final spot in the Sprite Slam Dunk Contest. This auspicious competitionwill be held in
