I recently read an article about the lack of black LGBT pride. The premise focused on the high percentage of interracial same-sex marriages. That, the author implied, proved internalized racism’s impact on black self-esteem. Low self-esteem meant black LGBTs’ inability to love other black LGBTs. As further evidence of racism, the article pointed to online dating profiles of whites that exclude blacks and Asians as prospective partners. Yet the author doesn’t mention people of color who specify “no whites” or other racial groups. The author also fails to list other exclusionary criteria cited by online daters of all races, like age, body hair, pretty feet, economic status, height and weight.
A decade ago I published a series of articles on Milwaukee’s gay interracial relationships. I interviewed dozens of individuals and community leaders for their input. They confirmed racial consciousness and racism play their respective roles in the grander scheme of things. But, when it came to dating, people’s motives were not so political or complex. In fact, LGBT rules of interracial engagement were typical of any couple’s. It was about attraction and pragmatism. It would certainly be easier if sexual attraction was devoid of the psychology of preference, but it’s not. For whatever reason, we humans formulate our ideal partners based on varied factors that probably develop when we are still far too young to comprehend them.
Still, some consider interracial dating a result of white exploitation. There may be a degree of that. I followed a social media conversation between some black friends who were going on about the white-imposed Mandingo mythology about African Americans. But it works both ways. One of those guys dates white men. He once confided he wished his white partner would use the “N” word during their moments of passion. Racially motivated or otherwise, fantasy is fantasy.
Interracial relationships based on social mobility aren’t an LGBT phenomenon either. The defense of traditional marriage never mentions it, but the institution always served to control wealth and social status. Marrying for money is as old as marriage itself. So why should we react when, regardless of color or age, a wealthy LGBT person courts or is courted by a person of lessor means? A friend of mine who is poor dates a man who is rich. The man, for better or worse, fancies himself a Robin Hood. Judge not...especially when everybody’s happy.
I also found Milwaukee’s interracial dating scene is also as much about evasion as it is based on attraction. Whether Asian, black, white or Latino, many men, especially closeted ones, date outside their ethnicity to minimize the risk of discovery by friends and family. That’s not racism, but rather deeply entrenched homophobia within the city’s various cultures.
The irony is, while we LGBTs cry “diversity!” at any cost, the moment it manifests itself as interracial dating, we decry it as racism. Maybe it is in some cases, but perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to impose our politics on love. That’s what Republicans do.
