To wit: Last Sunday, I took an early afternoonride on the No. 30 downtown to the Grandly Store-Closed mall where I planned tokick the tires on a factory-new pair of midnight-black all-cotton Gold Toemen’s socks over by the Boston Store.
Not two moments after I boarded Milwaukee CountyTransit System’s finest did some piece-of-guybaseball-capped, granny-glassed,aging baby boomer, wild-ass beard/hair, you know, sporting the look so derigueur with the House of Correction/part-time aluminum-can recyclersetturn to me from across the aisle one row up and announce, “I seen yourpicture in the paper. What about the militia? We got militia in Milwaukee. Nazis. They’reNazis.”
Time passed, too briefly, and then: “The militia,here. We got Nazis in Milwaukee.Huh?” I thanked him for the tip, assuming it was a word to the wise rather thana proclamation of joy. Quiet ensued, and a few blocks later he got up and Iheard him ask the driver to drop him off at the Federal building there justpast Third and Wisconsin.God bless America.
Then later that day in the night was a TV show on theDiscovery Channel where the eminent rocket-scientist Stephen Hawkingabrainiac bon vivant whose résumé includes every goddamn thing with theexception of a guest spot on “Dancing With the Stars”declared that intelligentlife from other cosmos could be, well, dangerous.
He said visitors to our fair planet from outer spacecould be “nomads, looking to conquer and colonize.” Yeah, focking swell. And Iagreenot just “conquer and colonize,” but how ’bout these technologicallyadvanced aliens might hail from a resource-depleted corner of a solar systemand so they got to be looking for new nutrient food sources.
Could we, the Sapien race of human beings, become thechickens who be sliced, diced, chopped, seasoned and fried to be served on afast-food sandwich to 12-foot aliens who sport bald large-cranium brains thesize of elite university-library globes of the planet Earth?
You betcha, we can. And all I can say is it’s time tobe no longer simply Native Americans, Native Mexicans, Africans,Euro-focking-peans, Islam-fock-you, native blah-lah and blah-blah. Time to beNative Earthlings ’cause those alien extraterrestrials from the planet You AreFocked Up the Ass, Earthling Losers are due any day now and the first thingthey want to do is reach up and tear our livers right clean out of ourassholes, besides screw our white women three-ways sideways ’til Sunday. Ourhistory as a planet ought to Amen that notion, ain’a?
What a world, what a universe, ain’a? Reminds me of alittle story:
A film crew was on location deep in thedesert. One day an old Native American what-they-used-to-call Indian went up tothe director and said, "Tomorrow, rain." The next day it rained. Aweek later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow,storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible,"said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict theweather. But then, after several successful predictions, the wise NativeAmerican was not seen for weeks. Finally, the director sent for him, and when heappeared, the director said, "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow, and Ineed your native expertise. What will the weather be like?" The Indianshrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radiobroke."
And there we go. Please remain at ease. There’s nothingus Homo sapiens can’t do, or can’t kill, these days, aliens be damned. Thewonder of it all, ain’a? ’Cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
