At The Milwaukee Journal, my favorite annual tradition was to write a contrarian deer-hunting column that never failed to send Wisconsin hunters into the woods so angry they couldn’t shoot straight.
I figured I saved a lot of deer that way.
But few people know that annual feature also was my only experience with an editor refusing to publish a column I had written.
Even though the column dealt with two prominent Wisconsin religions—Christianity and deer hunting—I’ve never really believed the column itself was the problem.
The problem was an editor who made one bad management decision on an unrelated subject and then was overly fearful of demonstrations by the sort of right-wing extremists who later morphed into the tea party.
The bad management decision was to fire a low-level newsroom secretary who, because of her religious beliefs, had participated on her own time in a public anti-abortion rally.
Even though the secretary played no role in news coverage, editors didn’t want anyone from the newsroom taking sides on controversial issues.
The firing stirred even more controversy, however, when those upset over someone unfairly fired for her personal religious beliefs learned Journal Editor Sig Gissler and his wife had made a charitable contribution to Planned Parenthood.
Gissler rather shamelessly tried to duck personal responsibility for the ethical contradiction by blaming his wife. Ironically, Gissler went on to become the administrator at Columbia University for the Pulitzer Prizes.
So what’s all this have to do with Christianity and deer hunting in Wisconsin?
Shortly before I wrote the column, the Journal building was picketed by a crowd of far-right extremists led by Donald Wildmon of the American Family Association (AFA) of Tupelo, Miss.
The AFA had previously protested TV’s Bullwinkle J. Moose for a cartoon in which Bullwinkle married Cinderella. They claimed the show promoted interspecies marriage.
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Jesus Went Deer Hunting?
It was probably too much to expect Gissler to stand behind a column satirizing a book titled The Christian Hunter’s Survival Guide.
The author’s premise: “There are no reasons you as a sportsman should be ashamed of anything which you are legally enjoying with the Lord.”
I never knew Jesus went deer hunting. But I just couldn’t resist composing my own prayer for the hunt. It’s about time others got a chance to read it.
Dear Lord:
It’s great to have you with our hunting party again, buddy. We had a terrible time the year your old lady made you stay home. It rained for 40 days and 40 nights and none of us shot diddly.
We have to confess, Lord, until you started deer hunting with us, we were ashamed. Oh, we put up a good front. We’d reel off a whole string of rationalizations about how we were doing the deer a great big favor by reducing the size of the herd. But, to tell the truth, we never really expected the deer to get up off the ground and say, “Thank you.”
Deep down, deer hunters are real sensitive types. We all felt a nagging guilt, remembering from Vacation Bible School how you were such a big advocate of “Thou shalt not kill, blah, blah, blah.”
That’s why we were pleasantly surprised when we ran into you at the shotgun sight-in clinic at the Visigoth Rod and Gun Club. We recognized you right away even though you were wearing a crown with earflaps.
It was a load off our minds, Lord, when you explained you were quoted out of context. You meant we should never blow away a baby deer’s mother unless we had a doe permit that would stand up in court. With you on our side, we now lay waste to everything that moves with a clear conscience.
We’ve found you to be one heck of a sportsman, Lord, and a great all-around guy. You were a real lifesaver that time we shot Charley. Not even his wife can tell that he was ever dead.
We always get a kick out of the way you ascend to your tree stand. The way the animals stand perfectly still and gaze at you in wonderment is beautiful to behold. You’ve got all kinds of time to get a good shot off.
We feel swell about legally enjoying deer slaughter with the Prince of Peace. We’ve learned a lot from you about how to face adversity. We forgive those critics of hunting for they know not what they do.
So load up your guns, Lord, and bring plenty of extra ammo. With your help, we should kill a record number of deer this year.
Don’t forget to wear your blaze orange raiment, Lord. If we accidentally blew you away, those anti-hunting crazies would never let us hear the end of it.
Correction: Wrong Billionaire
In last week’s column, I incorrectly identified the third billionaire who recently joined ownership of the Milwaukee Bucks. It was Jamie Dinan, hedge fund manager of York Capital Management, not Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan Chase.
