Umpire

I’ve spent the last few days in Daytona Beach, Florida.Yes, the weather has been great. Seventy degrees and sunny, but technically, Iwas working.

During the past few weeks I’ve been working with umpires.Major League Baseball type umpires. First, an article with umpire legend and Milwaukee native, BruceFroemming. This week, I’ve been at the HarryWendelstedtUmpireSchool in Ormond Beach, Florida.

Like you, I didn’t know this place existed, but I had to checkit out for a couple of projects that I am currently working on. I checked intoyour typical Floridahotel, smelling vaguely of Raid or some other roach killer. This is one ofthose places you’d have considered stylish when Miami Vice was in the top-ten televisionshows. These days, it houses the umpire students and a few blue-haired oldladies and wrinkled husbands. The hotel is a little spooky. I actually wedged achair under the handle of the door to my room, like I’d seen in so many movies,hoping to deter a would-be murderer or burglar.

The classroom for the umpires is on the mezzanine level ofthe hotel. The grand ballroom (not so grand anymore) serves as the meetingplace for 110-students and about a dozen instructors and current MLB umpires.Eight-foot tables covered with a hideous green table napkin doubling as a tablecloth serve as desks. I thought I was in for a real Barton Fink experience. Afterclassroom instruction, lectures and tests, it’s off to the parks, located aboutten miles from the hotel. Just go past the seven dozen cheap tee-shirt shops,empty hotels, boarded up rentals, dive bars and take a left.

Training facilities for the school are in direct contrast tothe humble, slightly moldy hotel. The fields are large and plentiful (green andwell kept) and there are cages where umpires go through their paces. Thesestudents spend their days calling balls and strikes, running a game, takinggaff from instructors. They spend a lot of time explaining and defending theircalls to the MLB umpires who serve as instructors and guides.

On the three full diamonds, there are simulated games in progress.When they’re not running games, they’re meeting in the middle of the diamondfor mini-lectures. Today’s topic was my favorite. The students learned how tochase, run, and eject a player or manager. There was enough salty languagegoing on to make a longshoreman blush.

I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived, which wouldmake sense as I’d never been to an umpire camp. I never even made it to asummer camp as a kid. There are 120 students ranging in age from 18-60, mostwearing their full umpire gear throughout the day; gray slacks, black patentleather shoes, body armor, thick shirts, face masks and shin guards. All ofthis class and field work takes place just a few miles from where others sit onthe beach in their thongs and bikinis.

These folks are dedicated - classroom by nine, followed by workingon the field non-stop until 5:30. Then they head back to the roach motel, grabsome food in the lobby restaurant, head upstairs to shower and study for thenext day’s exams. This goes on for five glorious weeks (excluding Sundays).

Of the 120 candidates, (enrollment often exceeds 150) 20might get an assignment in the Midwest League, the Pacific Coast league, wherethey will toil for less than 20-grand a year running from small town to thenext berg.

I spent just a few days with these men, and a solitaryfemale. I arrived in the fourth week of their training, and they were stillfull of vim and vigor. All of these students are in possession of positive attitudesand I didn’t hear them complain, ever. The ace-kickerthey pay a lot of doughto do this

They sweat, run, get nailed by line drives and foul balls andpay their tuition and board. They’re tougher than most big-leaguers I know.

The next time I hear a major league ballplayer complaining abouttheir salary (Ben Sheets), I swear to God, I’m going to kick him right in hispellet protector.