Wii Can’t Stand It!

For those freaks in the world who are actually athleticallytalented, sports injuries are a common occurrence. If you get on the field, youare going to get hurt. There’s no crying in baseball. But for the rest of thepopulation who would rather roll off the couch to get another beer instead ofwearing sweatpants from high school that don’t fit anymore, there is a newplague setting up shop.

I’m going go out on a limb and say that if you’ve never pickedup a football you probably know your way around a video game controller. Xbox,Playstation, and Nintendo have always been safe havens for us physicallychallenged and socially inept nerds who just want to be left alone with our oldpals Mario, Zelda and whatever flavor-of-the-week sports star who hasn’t goneto jail.

For years we’ve been fused to our bean-bag chairs with anunlimited supply of high fructose corn syrup drinks. But with a littleinvention know as the Nintendo Wii, we areentering our own arena of pain. Pulled hamstrings from yoga, asthma attacksfrom running, and tennis elbow from tennis? Really? What? Forget the glorioushours of sitting on my ass and letting the little characters move with a simplepush of up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, select,start.

So I call a revolution right now. Wii, you are super fun andI love to play Jimi Hendrix on Rock Band, but, dude, seriously, you need toslow your roll. Don’t make me move more than I have to other than when my momcalls me downstairs for my afternoon PB & J. Consider this an intervention.