The day before Liam Francis, a 26-year-oldchef for the British army, arrived at his forward operating base in Afghanistan,the Taliban shot down the helicopter ferrying in food rations. This meant thatFrancis had to make do with the supplies already on handa pantry consistingonly of seasonings and hundreds of tins of Spam. For six weeks, Francisprepared items like "sweet-and-sour Spam," "Spam fritters,""Spam carbonara," "Spam stroganoff" and "stir-fried Spam"until a new supply of food finally reached the base. Francis told the Daily Telegraph that he was proud of hiswork but admitted that "morale improved" when fresh food arrived.
Unclear on the Concept
In March, sheriff's deputies in Kissimmee, Fla.,detained a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agent who, whileworking undercover, had aroused suspicions of neighborhood residents. Afterinvestigating, the deputies reportedly discovered that in order to guard hisidentity as an ICE agent, the man had posed as an FBI agent. [Orlando Sentinel, March 4, 2010]
Least Competent Criminals
(1) Jonathon Smith, 22, was arrested in Marchin Fairbanks, Alaska,shortly after his release on bail on charges that he tried to use forged checksto buy three trucks from local dealers. His latest arrest came at Seekins Ford,where, according to police, he was trying to buy yet another pickup truck witha forged check. (2) Police in Falmouth, Mass., hired John Yarrington as aconfidential informant on Feb. 16, setting him up with $50 in marked bills tobuy cocaine from dealer Cory Noonan. Yarrington completed the deal, left thescene and was paid $100. Less than 10 minutes later, however, before Noonan hadeven been arrested, Yarrington returned and, according to police, attempted tobuy more cocaine on his own.
Animal Business
n Pigs Livin' Large: In February, farmer Cathy Gieseker was sentenced forperpetrating an alleged $27 million Ponzi scheme (prosecutors called her the"Midwest Madoff"). Among the items she allegedly bought with proceedsfrom the Ponzi scheme was a $900 tanning bed for her "show" pigs.
n Animals With Issues: (1) Ashley Saks' 2-year-old basset hound Roxy wasresting comfortably in Jacksonville, Fla., in November after aveterinarian removed 130 nails Roxy had swallowed. (2) In November, maritimerescuers were called to ocean waters off the coast of Darwin,Australia,to rescue an adult cow that was dog-paddling around. According to a seaman, thecow was "not in a good mood."
Fine Points of the Law
If, while wearing a ski mask, you carry a guninto a store with the intent to rob it, but there are no employees around torob and you abort the attempt, is it still an "attempted robbery"?That question faces Sanjuan Reyes, 22, and two teenagers who were arrested in Joliet, Ill., in Januaryand charged with attempting to rob the Supermercado Viva Mexico. Twopeople acted as lookouts while the youngest, wearing a ski mask and wielding anair pistol, entered the store. Apparently, the only employees on duty were inthe back room. The boy waited for a minute or so, then bailed, and the threefled empty-handed. Joliet'sdeputy police chief said a crime was still committed.
Questionable Obsessions
(1) In November, Jim Bartek, 49, of Maple Heights, Ohio,announced he was ending a streak of 524 consecutive days in which he listenedto the album Nostradamus by theheavy-metal group Judas Priest. (2) In February, Hilary Taylor, 63, of GreatYarmouth, England, revealed that her late uncle, Ken Strickland, had bequeathedto her his collection of 3,000 watering cans.
Leading Economic Indicators
Details about Britain's biggestmarijuana-importing operation emerged in March following the conviction of itsthree managers in Southwark Crown Court. The enterprise earned the equivalentof an estimated $300 million at such a rapid rate that the partners apparentlywere unable to spend much of it, despite buying real estate, jewelry andexpensive cars. An inspector said Scotland Yard found "moldy [cash]rotting away," hidden under floorboards. In their words, "It was nogood to anybody."
Undignified Deaths
(1) A 36-year-old man drowned in Denville, N.J., inJanuary during a friendly swimming competition with a pal, as they ended upunderneath a 30-yard-long ice patch on partially frozen Indian Lake.(2) New York Citypolice believe that hit man Hector Quinones, 44, shot three men to death in ahigh-rise apartment in December, but allowed a woman in the apartment to escapewhen he tripped on his own baggy pants while chasing her. As police arrived,Quinones climbed out onto the fire escape but accidentally fell off and brokehis neck.
© 2010 Chuck Shepherd
