Ralph Conone, 68, was arrested in Columbus, Ohio,in March after surveillance video identified him as the person involved inmultiple incidents in which a man walked up behind young children, punched themin the head when their parents weren't looking and then walked away as ifnothing had happened. According to police, Conone confessed that he had beenpunching children in public since January because he liked the"excitement" of getting away with something.
The Continuing Crisis
- After being called to a house in Charleroi, Pa., in February, police arrestedLinda Newstrom, 49, for allegedly swinging a baseball bat at her 21-year-oldson, Jeffrey, on Valentine's Day. Allegedly, she whiffed on the first two swingsbut connected on the third. In regards to the attack on her son, Newstromreportedly told police, "I brought him into this world, and I'll take himout of this world." It's thought that alcohol was involved.
- In February, a one-armed man swiped a single cuff link from the CJVinten shop in Leigh-on-Sea, England, and in March a one-legged man swiped asingle Nike trainer shoe from a store in Barnsley, England. Bothmen were later arrested.
Bright Ideas
- Supervisors at the Department for Work and Pensions in Carlisle, England,issued a directive in March to short-handed staff members on how to ease theirtelephone workload during a particularly busy midday period (due to a workerstrike). Workers were told to pick up the ringing phone, recite a message as ifthey were an answering machine ("Due to the high volume of inquiries weare currently experiencing, we are unable to take your call. Please call backlater.") and immediately hang up.
- The city health office in London, Ontario, created an online sex-educationgame that officials hope will appeal to teenagers in that its messages aredelivered by a cast of iconic superheroes. According to a February report byCanwest News Service, the players are Captain Condom (who wears a"cap"), Wonder Vag (a virgin girl), Power Pap ("sexuallyactive") and Willy the Kid. The heroes fight a villain named Sperminator,who wears a red wrestling mask and has phalluses for arms. Players attempt toanswer questions about sex. With correct answers, characters obtain "protection"and the Sperminator loses power. With wrong answers, the characters aresquirted with sperm. At press time, the game was still accessible atwww.GetItOnLondon.com/.
More Texas Justice
Despite Texas'conviction-happy history, one man actually received a full pardon in March. TimCole had been convicted of rape in 1986. He relentlessly proclaimed hisinnocence, and in 1995 another man confessed to the crime, but officialsdeclined to reopen the investigation. When a DNA result (ordered in 2008) confirmedthe 1995 confession, Cole's innocence could no longer be ignored. In March2010, Gov. Rick Perry issued a full pardon. Cole, however, could not enjoy it:He had died in prison in 1999 after wrongfully serving 13 years, the last fourdespite the fact that the actual rapist had confessed.
Least Competent Criminals
Not Much of a Challenge for Cops: (1) WilliamEdmunds, 32, was charged with DUI in March when he drove his car up to theguard gate at the loading dock for the Montgomery County, N.Y., jail and askedif it was the Canadian border crossing at Niagara Falls (more than 250 miles away). (2) Travis Neeley,19, was arrested in Lake City, Fla., in March for burglarizing acar. Neeley was caught red-handed by the owner, who used the remote control to lockNeeley inside. Neeley tried several times to unlock a door and exit, but eachtime the owner relocked it before Neeley could get out. He finally stoppedtrying to get out and just waited for police.
Tastes Like Chicken
A popular TV chef in Italy was firedin February after musing on the air about the historical popularity of gourmetcat meat. According to Beppe Bigazzi, 77, cat stew is best cooked after soakingthe meat in spring water for three days to tenderize it. "I've eatenit…many times," he said. Bigazzi later explained that he was referring toa tradition in Tuscanyin the 1930s and 1940s and never intended to encourage people to eat catstoday, but apparently his bosses could not endure the public outcry.
© 2010 Chuck Shepherd
