Artie: Six weeks and changeuntil the season opens at home against Colorado,launching the Brew Crew's march back to the playoffs!
Frank: Well, it's six weeksuntil our baseball preview, when we'll announce whether that's a realistichope.
Artie: In the meantime, I'mannouncing our first annual John Jaha Memorial Poll.
Frank: Our what?
Artie: We all remember Mr.Jaha, ain'a? The slugging first baseman in the ’90s who could never stay on thefield at County Stadium because of injuries? In thispoll I'm inviting fans to guess the date when Rickie Weeks suffers his latestseason-ending injury.
Frank: Weeks' health, ofcourse, is a key question for the Brewers. And we'll get to it in our previewon April 1. But I've been making my own preparations for the season.
Artie: Such as?
Frank: As the holder of a20-game ticket plan, I seized the opportunity to buy single-game tickets onlineahead of the general public. But this time I'm not jinxing the team.
Artie: Explanation, please.
Frank: Last February I was soexcited about the final week of ’09 home games against the Cubs and Philliesthat I dropped a bundle on them. And when the games arrived the Brewers werewell out of the playoff race.
Artie: So this year...
Frank: I held off on the lasttwo home series, this time against Cincinnatiand Florida.Which means the games will be super-meaningful.
Artie: Good for the Brewers.And you'll have more money to spend on the playoffs.
Frank: My other off-seasonactivity was telling the Brewers how to improve the ballpark experience.
Artie: You sent a crankletter?
Frank: Hardly! The Brewersmake sure to call season-ticket folks to ask if we have suggestions. I had anice chat with my ticket agent, Kara, and learned that one of my concerns alreadywas on the team's agenda.
Artie: Which was?
Frank:The driveway leading up to the main Miller Park entrance, which isfilled before and after games with those vans and minibus shuttles fromtaverns. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but there's a tragedy in the makingthere.
Artie: How so?
Frank: The shuttles areconstantly going in and out while fans are streaming into and out of theballpark, and there hasn't been much traffic control. Sometime last season asign appeared saying the speed limit is 15 miles an hour, but I often saw theshuttles going much faster. Meanwhile, before the game fans cross the drivewayto see Helfaer Field or chase a ball they've been tossing. And after the gamefolks heading toward the "Giants" parking lot north of the freewaycross the shuttles' exit lanes.
Artie: And no one's directingtraffic?
Frank: No police officers atthe pickup point, anyway; they're at the head of the driveway supervising theintersection of pedestrians and two roadways. Late in the season I saw somefolks in special outfits in the shuttle lot, but it didn't seem like they weredoing much. I told Kara I was worried there'd be a serious accident.
Artie: I know we had to bepretty alert in that area after some games.
Frank: Kara said teamofficials were discussing the matter, too. And last month the Brewers announceda $300 yearly fee for each shuttle to help pay for more safety staff in thatarea.
Artie: From your lips to MarkAttanasio's ears!
Frank: I'm guessing it wasn'tjust my squawking, but it was nice to be consulted.
Artie: What else did yousuggest? Lower beer prices?
Frank: I wasn't dealing infantasy. Although this idea comes close: EASE UP ON THE LOUD MUSIC!
Artie: Amen to that, but if itain't happened yet, it won't.
Frank: But I'd settle forthis: How about a break from the five-to-seven seconds of "Smoke on theWater" or the "Brady Bunch" theme or "Ice Ice Baby"between pitches?
Artie: Geez, they must be theonly times anyone hears the lush lyrics of Vanilla Ice anymore.
Frank: But whatever song itis, we only hear a few seconds. Whoever the Brewers' vice president for musicis, he must like to push the button just because he can.
Artie: Hey, remember thatSunday game where we noticed that for about a half-inning that between-pitchmusic wasn't there?
Frank: I remember we enjoyedthe fact that we could converse in peace.
Artie: Just like fans did forabout a hundred years without baseball falling apart.
Frank: Oh well, here's anotherof my ideas: Add a couple of spots at the loge level near the foul poles wherethe balls, strikes and outs are displayed.
Artie: Where's that stuffshown now?
Frank: On the main scoreboardand above the press box, which is fine for most vantage points in the stadium.But in the last few rows of the loge, in certain places neither one of thosespots is visible.
Artie: Didn't they used tohave the count and outs out near the foul poles?
Frank: Yup, but since thatlong LED advertising strip appeared, they got lost. Now those foul-pole spotsshow only the line score, pitch counts and pitch speeds. Why not cut a few feetoff the LED to make sure all the fans know the count and outs?
Artie: Mighty reasonable, I'dsay. More information, fewer Miller Lite logos.
A Detour From Excitement
Frank: Six weeks until OpeningDay—or about as long as it took to run the Daytona 500.
Artie: Which felt like theDaytona 5,000 by the time the checkered flag dropped. For all the jazz aboutchanges in the cars and the return of bad-ass racing, NASCAR couldn't keep thetrack in one piece at its premier event. Really bad!
Frank: And you're the gearheadhere. I only tuned in when I thought it might be ending, but everyone wasstanding around while NASCAR was filling the pothole. And it happened twice!
Artie: But to hear the TVannouncers, everything was just super-duper, top-of-the-line thrilling. Talkabout shills!
Frank: I didn't hear much ofit, but there wasn't a single hint that this might not be the bestadvertisement for NASCAR.
Artie: It's like Mussolini's Italy or something; the France familyowns the system and the tracks and has everyone under its thumb, so they haveto spout the party line. And the party line includes ALWAYS naming yoursponsor. It's not enough to say, "My car is runnin' good." It's gottabe "the Pepsi Delco Viagra Kitty Litter Chevy..."
Frank: This sure didn't makeme want to tune in for the next event. Yeah, when Jamie McMurray prevailed inthat two-lap final sprint, it was darn exciting. Let me know when thosefive-minute bursts are gonna happen and yeah, I'll watch. But it seems likethere's a whole lot of nothing between the flashes.
Artie: And remember, Daytonais NASCAR's Super Bowl, even though it starts the season. This was like AlQaeda became a bunch of pranksters, snuck into the Super Bowl and stole all thefootballs, so you can't play the game.
Frank: They couldn't even getthe final green-white-checkered flag sprint done in one try; of course therewas another crash and yellow flag.
Artie: It's a NASCARcliche—"Restarts beget restarts."
Frank: Maybe it's just me, butisn't it self-defeating to make changes to create more take-no-prisoners racingif that just produces more of the boring caution periods? And why do they need43 freakin' cars in every race? Open up the track a bit and maybe there'd bemore actual racing.
Artie: But first of all, havea road that doesn't crumble. Cripes, they might as well have been racing on Oklahoma Avenue!
