My first job out of college was working for anonprofit in Washington, D.C., that focused on consumer advocacyissues. One of their big campaigns while I was there involved pushing forfederal regulations of dietary supplements such as vitamins. At the time, I wasastonished to learn that these weren't already regulated. They contain potentingredients that are supposed to have a significant impact on your health,right? And all the information on the bottles looks so "official."There are some regulations about what claims a company can make about theeffects of a dietary supplement, but for the most part no one is monitoringwhat actually goes into those pills.
The "adult" supplement industry is thesame. There are no external regulations or standards that manufacturers ofpills, gels or liquids have to meet. They can pretty much put whatever theywant into their products and make whatever claims they want about them withouthaving to prove that they actually work. For the most part, these supplementsare high-profit-margin items that prey on people's sexual insecurities and playon the American belief that all of our problems can be quickly fixed with adrug of some kind. I have customers that swear a particular brand of pill workswonders for them, and that certainly may be true, but because I cannot point toany kind of independent research that says these supplements do what they claimto, I choose not to sell or recommend them.
If someone is having trouble with a low or changinglibido, difficulty maintaining erections, or not lasting as long as they'd likeduring sex, there are techniques that can help, such as mental healthcounseling, evaluation by a medical professional and physical exercises thatcan help retrain the body's erotic responses. But these take, you know, workover an extended period of time. As with weight loss, our other nationalobsession, many people would rather try a variety of quick-fix, unproven pillsthan the tried-and-true regular exercise and permanent dietary changes. Trulysubstantial changes in your physical, emotional and sexual well-being, however,do require introspection and serious effort, which is well worth it.
The other products that I frequently get questionsabout are desensitizers. Typically, people are asking for desensitizers toeither delay ejaculation or make anal penetration less painful. I would never,ever recommend desensitizers for either of these issues. The purpose of sex formost of us is to feel good, and since desensitizers take away feeling, theyseem to me to be antithetical to the very reason we engage in sex in the firstplace. Also, if you are putting desensitizing products on your penis or anus,these products can rub off on your partner's genitals, creating a situationwhere everyone is numb and frustrated.
For men who are ejaculating sooner than they wouldlike to, I would recommend going with safe physical barriers and techniquesrather than chemical ones. Extra-strength condoms, without desensitizers, cansometimes help decrease sensation. The real issue here is often retrainingyourself to recognize when ejaculation is imminent and how to back down fromthat point, and whole books have been written with physical exercises that canassist with this.
Anal desensitizers can lead to serious injury. Painis usually a sign from our bodies that something is wrong and that we shouldstop what we're doing. Safe anal play requires warm-up, lots of lube, carefulcommunication and slow progress. Anal desensitizers take away our ability torespond to our body's cues and communicate with our partners, and they alsotake away any pleasure that we might feel in addition to taking away the pain.
Want Laura to answer your questions in SEXpress?Send them to laura@shepex.com.Not all questions received will be answered in the column, and Laura cannotprovide personal answers to questions that do not appear here. Questions sentto this address may be reproduced in this column, both in print and online, andmay be edited for clarity and content.
Laura Anne Stuart has a master’s degree inpublic health and has worked as a sexuality educator for more than a decade.She owns the Tool Shed,an erotic boutique on Milwaukee’s East Side.
