Bernard LeCorn, runningagainst two others for the school board in Ocala, Fla., declaredhimself the best qualified of the three candidates because of his“doctorate,” but the Ocala Star-Banner discovered that hisdegree came from a well-known diploma mill and only cost $249. (In adiploma-mill fraud indictment in August, one alleged purchaser of adoctorate was Bart Anderson, superintendent of a school district in Columbus, Ohio.)
The Weirdo-American Community
Policein Knoxville, Tenn., arrested Richard Smith, 25, in September after hecalled 911 from an air duct inside the Knoxville Museum of Art. Smithtold police that he was “a special agent with the United StatesIlluminati, badge number 0931” and that he had come to retrieve anuclear warhead from the Soviet Union that was concealed in a blueplastic cow in the basement, according to a report on WBIR-TV. Smithsaid he got trapped in the air duct after he received a phone callaborting the mission because the cow was actually supposed to be in amuseum in Memphis. He said he had entered the Museum of Art by beinglowered from a “CH2 Huey” helicopter, but police rejected mosteverything Smith said except for his name.
Least Competent Criminals
In August, Angel Cruz, 49, was indicted in Floridafor various financial schemes, including attempting to convinceemployees and contractors to accept “currency” from his “United CitiesGroup” (UCG). He claimed that this “money” carried the same value asU.S. currency. Cruz came to federal prosecutors' attention when hetried to sneak $214 million of UCG money into a Bank of America branch in Miami and allegedly threatened to take over the bank when it balked at allowing withdrawals in U.S. dollars.
Recurring Themes
Critters4, Humans 0: A 17-year-old boy in Reno, Nev., accidentally set hisfamily's house on fire while trying to kill spiders (August). A womanin Santa Fe, N.M., accidentally caused severe fire damage to her homewhile trying to torch a rattlesnake (July). A 26-year-old man inMobile, Ala., accidentally caused $80,000 damage to his home and a shedwhile trying to kill a swarm of bees (June). A Buddhist monkaccidentally burned down his temple in Ojiya City, Japan, while trying to destroy a hornets' nest (September).
Now, Which One Is the Brake?
Elderlydrivers continue to have lapses of concentration, confusing the brakepedal with the gas pedal (or however they try to explain it):
- A Norfolk, Va., woman, 86, crashed against a Rite Aid pharmacy, damaging a vending machine (May).
- A Lake Oswego, Ore., man, 81, crashed through the front of a U.S. Bank building, sending employees scurrying (February).
- ACincinnati woman, 80, crashed halfway into a Dollar General store,damaging displays (May).
- A 75-year-old Shriner, driving a go-cart inone of the organization's tiny-car exhibitions in Illinois, lost control and hit, in succession, two kids and two adults, before coming to a halt in some bushes (July).
Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
An ashram-museum in Ahmedabad, India,devoted to highly revered icon of freedom Mahatma Gandhi, recentlyreinstalled a replica of the spiritual leader's personal toilet, sayingthat Gandhi's hygiene-consciousness was a large part of his legacy. Itis said that he cleaned the toilet daily and referred to it as his“temple.” But ashram officials removed it in the 1980s asinappropriate, according to a September dispatch from New Delhi inLondon's Daily Telegraph.
Can't Possibly Be True
When Eric Aderholt's house in Rockwell County, Texas,burned down in June, it wasn't because the fire department was tooslow. Firefighters arrived within minutes, but nobody seemed to beaware that local hydrants were locked. Apparently, departments shouldknow that hydrants in rural areas have been shut off as part ofpost-9/11 security, and must be turned on with a special tool, which noone brought that night. By the time they retrieved it, Aderholt's housewas gone.
Inexplicable
Theincredibly patient Joseph Shepard Sr., 53, sat quietly in St.Louis-area jails for more than two years, apparently expecting hislawyer, Michael Kelly, to be working for his release on bond. As itturned out, nobodynot Kelly, the prosecutors or a judgewas doinganything at all. But Shepard seemed unperturbed by the wait. When a St. Louis Post-Dispatch reportertold him in August that he had looked into the case and that Shepardwould be released soon, Shepard said, “If I just sit here long enough,something's going to happen.”
Three days later, federal judge Carol Jackson released Shepard and chastised Kelly. (Shepard's drug charges remain.)
© 2008 Chuck Shepherd
