In October, Poland's Polskie Radio reported anend to the 18-month legal battle between two neighbors in Mikowice over aplastic bucket worth about $4.50. One neighbor accused the other of ruining thebucket by kicking it, and wanted compensation for the bucket. The respondentoffered proof of innocence by submitting video of the neighbor continuing touse the bucket as before, but a video expert testified that it was not possibleto determine the date of the videoand, therefore, whether or not the footagehad been recorded before or after the alleged damage. The accuser thencountered by calling an “expert” witness on buckets who conducted tests anddetermined that a kick could indeed damage a plastic bucket. A district courteventually dropped the case altogether.
Least Competent Car Owners
(1) From a police report in the Oct. 6 Jersey Journal: An out-of-state visitorparked his Ferrari Modena overnight on a street in Jersey City, N.J.When he returned the next morning, the man found the car burglarizedamong themissing items taken from the car was an Audemars Piguet watch worth $100,000.(2) In November, Andy House, 34, was driving a 2006 Bugatti Veyron EBreputedto be one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world, worth upward of$1 millionwhen he said he was distracted by a low-flying pelican whiletraveling in La Marque, Texas (on Galveston Island) and accidentally drove thecar into a saltwater inlet.
News That Sounds Like a Joke
- In September, prominent chocolate food engineer Hanna Frederickintroduced her latest concoction at a conference of the Meat IndustryAssociation of New Zealand: dark chocolate truffles tinged with venison andsalami. Said Frederick:"There's this smoky taste to start, then a strong chocolate flavor comesin, and at the end you have this wonderful taste of salami." Earlier inthe year, she introduced chocolates injected with Tongkat Ali, a SoutheastAsian herb reputed to stimulate testosterone production.
- In August, the Thorpe Park amusement facility in Chertsey, England,posted signs on a roller coaster admonishing riders not to wave their armsduring the ride. According to director Mike Vallis, "We've found that whenthe temperature tops 77 degrees (Fahrenheit), the level of unpleasant(underarm) smells can become unacceptable, and we do receive complaints."
Family Values
(1) Kenny Jackson, 30, was arrested in St. Paul, Minn.,in August after rampaging through his house, destroying furniture and menacinghis son, 4, upon finding the boy wearing a blue shirt, which happens to be thecolor favored by a rival gang. (2) In April, Helen Ford was evicted from herhome of 30 years in Cambridge, Mass., the result of, she says, being tricked byher foster son six years earlier to sign the house over to his "businessassociates" (who recently defaulted on the mortgage). Her foster son isformer college and pro basketball player Rumeal Robinson, 43, who is underfederal indictment for bank fraud. Ford (for exemplary community service) andRobinson (for basketball fame) are both prominent citizens of Cambridge, and the house in question sits on Rumeal Robinson Way.
Yikes!
- In October, Lisa Blair and her six sisters were enjoying a Thanksgivingmeal in Hamilton, Ontario(in Canada,Thanksgiving took place Oct. 12) when they began noticing suspicious flecks inthe food. The women quickly realized that their necklace lockets, containingthe ashes of their recently deceased mother, were leaking. A local funeralservices store restocked and sealed the lockets.
- In November, researchers roaming the depths of Scotland's Loch Ness ina submarine, looking for the legendary monster, reported finding mainly"hundreds of thousands" of golf balls at the bottom, from popular useof the lake as a driving range. A recent Danish Golf Union report lamented theslow decomposition of golf balls (taking 100 to 1,000 years), and one U.K. legislatorhas called golf balls "humanity's signature litter."
- The October "Miss Asia" beauty pageant in Hong Kong mostlyfollowed the traditional script, but special bonus competitions were added,according to a report in The StraitsTimes. Contestants appeared behind boards with only certain body partsexposed so that judges could comment without knowing which woman they wereobserving. Breast-judging turned out well for each of the three finalists, asdid waist-judging. However, the judges had harsh words for two contestants'hair. Wang Zhi Fei was criticized for "lots of dandruff and oily scalp,"and Wang Chen learned the hard way that she had significant "signs of hairloss."
Names in the News
(1) The victim of fatal gunshots in Buffalo, N.Y.,in October: Mr. Mister Rogers, 23. (2) Arrested for flashing women in Annville Township, Pa.,in October: Mr. Hung Thanh Vo, 19. (3) Sentenced for burglary in Portland, Ore.,in November (for a December 2008 incident in which he broke into a house whilenude and was detained by the 88-year-old female homeowner, who had grabbed holdof his scrotum): Mr. Michael G. Dick, 47. (4) Arrested (for the second time;the first was also reported in News of the Weird) for prostitution in Forsyth County, Ga.,in October: massage parlor employee Mi Suk Yang, 47.
© 2009 Chuck Shepherd