Apparentlypeople do more in the Bayshore Park N Ride lot than just wait forbuses. The lot was just one of hundreds of public places where Shepherd readerssay they’ve had sex. Also on that very long list: parks, libraries,museums, bistros, bars, dance clubs, schools, beaches, bike trails,buses, concert venues, dressing rooms, sport supply stores, a cemetery,a Laundromat and, for one pair of thrill seekers with marina access,Latrell Sprewell’s boat.
If you can park a car in a given spot, there’sa good chance someone’s had sex there, toothough judging from thesurvey results, many of our readers don’t even bother parking the car.About 60% of respondents have given and/or received oral sex whiledriving.
As always, the Shepherd’s FifthBiennial Sex Survey is an unscientific sample, so it’s best to assumethat its large, self-selected sample skews more sexually adventurousthan the average Milwaukeean (that nearly 30% claim to have had sexwith more than one partner at the same time attests to that). Theresults are endlessly insightful, nonetheless, providing a glimpse notonly at the city’s fetishes, but also at its psyche. Kinky asthey can be, it seems that at heart Milwaukeeans are a bunch ofromantics.
Eighty-four percent of men and a full 90% of women agreedthat being in a relationship makes sex better. And asked if they everhad sex they later regretted, very few professed guilt over an actualsex act, but plenty expressed emotional remorse. Many men regrettedcheating. Others confessed to taking advantage of their sex partners.“I hooked up with someone just to prove to myself that I could, andthen felt bad for using them,” one man lamented.
Women weremore likely to regret their choice of partner. “The person I had sexwith turned out to be a liar and very manipulative,” one wrote. “Heused those manipulation skills to get me in bed, and I felt swindled.”Another woman had far harsher words for an ex-boyfriend: “I am deeplyashamed that the penis of an ignorant, boring, racist simpleton hasentered my body. I will never date below myself again.”
One-nightstands were among common regrets for both men and women, with one manspeaking for many respondents when he wrote, “They’re just not mything. I’d much rather be in a relationship with the person I am havingsex with.”
Debunking Taboos
Laura Anne Stuart, who writes the Shepherd’s SEXPresscolumn and owns the Tool Shed erotic boutique, said that two of themost common questions she encounters are about anal sex and femaleejaculation. The survey results suggest that both acts are very common.“There’sa huge amount of curiosity about female ejaculation, and many womenwonder if it’s real,” Stuart said. “So it’s interesting that 36% ofwomen said they have ejaculated. That’s a really healthy chunk.
“And52% of [the respondents] say they’ve had anal sex,” Stuart continued.“That’s really high, yet people still feel like anal sex is a tabootopic. It shouldn’t be. There’s a large amount of people who are tryingsome kind of anal play.”
Stuart sees a similar double standard withsociety’s views on polyamorous, open relationships and its views oncheating. Cheating appears to be rampant: 21% of respondents saythey’ve cheated on their current partner, and 36% say they’verepeatedly cheated on past partners. An overwhelming 60% report beingcheated on.
“Polyamory is considered this very strange thing, yetcheating is almost considered normal,” Stuart said. “In the survey, 60%of people say they’ve been cheated on that they know of. That’s nothealthy, but we see it as normal. You have to wonder, if people weremore open to polyamory, would cheating be such an issue?”
The vast majority ofrespondents (72%) said their relationships were monogamous, with just7% considering themselves openly non-monogamous. Wandering eyes abound,though: Another 11% admitted that they were in a relationship but would“like to explore my options.”
Between all the sex in publicand anal intercourse, the survey can sometimes paint the picture of acity consumed by carnal desires, but the reality is more nuanced. EllenBarnard, a trained social worker who co-owns A Woman’s Touch SexualityResource Center, said she found it telling that although respondentstended to be more adventurous, the bulk still reported only having sexabout once a week. Most single people reported having sex far less thanthat, closer to once a month (34%). Forty-three percent ofsingle people say they have sex once a year or less.
“People can feelthis pressure that they should be having lots and lots of sex,” Barnardsaid. “Hopefully if they see that most people report having sex once aweek or less, that will help them feel a lot better if that’s wherethey’re at.”
Sobering Stats
Therewere some statistics that worried Barnard, though. Forty-one percent ofrespondents admitted that they don’t find it easy to talk to newpartners about their sexual history or history of sexually transmittedinfections (STIs). And although a full 96% believe they have a goodunderstanding of STIs and how to avoid them, another stat suggestsotherwise: Only 62% report that they always use condoms or otherprotection with a new partner. “That’s one of those statisticswhere it’s like, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’” Barnard said.
Alsoconcerning: 92% reported that they do not have an STI (herpes and HPVwere the most common ones). That number would appear to be good newsifit weren’t statistically impossible. STIs are much more prevalent thanthis number suggests. In fact, more than half of all people willcontract one at some point in their lifetime.
“One of thethings that many people don’t understand is you can have a sexuallytransmitted infection and not know it,” Barnard said, “and clearlythere are people in this sample who fall into that category.”
Thesecret to avoiding STIs, Barnard said, is the same as the secret forgreat sex: communication. “The people I know who enjoy themselves themost are the ones so comfortable with sex and their bodies that theycan talk openly about what they want, which includes demanding the useof condoms,” Barnard said. “That all makes for better sex.”
What’s your take? Write: editor@shepex.com or comment on this story online at www.expressmilwaukee.com.
About the Sample
59% male
41% female
84% heterosexual
6% homosexual
10% bisexual
30% single
33% in a relationship
37% married
Exposed
Women who have faked an orgasm at least once: 77%
Women who fake orgasms regularly: 20%
Men in a relationship who regularly masturbate alone: 78%
Women in a relationship who regularly masturbate alone: 60%
Men and women who sometimes or regularly watch porn with their partners: 55%
Men who regularly lie to partners about past sexual history: 11%
Women who regularly lie to partners about past sexual history: 15%
Men and women with STIs who have lied to partners about it: 5%
Percentage who have done the following: (men/women)
Oral sex with opposite gender: 92% 95%
Oral sex with same gender: 18% 29%
Anal sex with opposite gender: 50% 55%
Anal sex with same gender: 12% 5%
Anonymous sex: 24% 15%
Bondage: 27% 33%
Domination play: 19% 27%
Spanking: 40% 55%
Phone sex: 46% 54%
Cross-dressing: 7% 4%
Used sex toys: 64% 73%
Had sex with prostitute: 15% 1%
Used Internet sex chat: 20% 11%
Had sex with someone met online: 27% 23%
Called 1-900 numbers: 7% 2%
Shopped at an erotic boutique: 70% 75%
